


Black White and Teal

by s7nnyflowers



Series: Ow in O.W.C.A. [6]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Canda - Freeform, Fake Spy Technology, M/M, Original Character - Freeform, Trans Male Character, very experimental hopefully you'll like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-10-23 22:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10728861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s7nnyflowers/pseuds/s7nnyflowers
Summary: Agent Panda is in town and this time it's not for fun. Perry and Peter must settle their differences on a co-op mission! Please read end notes!





	1. Change in the Routine

Perry was shot into his chair from a tube that was hidden in a bush. His teal hair and neatly ironed outfit were undisturbed by the fall. Monogram was already staring at him awaiting his arrival. Staring up at his commanding officer with toffee brown eyes he saluted Major Monogram.

“At ease.”

Perry swiftly returned his arm to his side. Perry quirked an eyebrow. He smelled something. O.W.C.A.’s janitors probably switched cleaning products, but it didn't smell clean. Not uncleanly in anyway but not like cleaning solution. It was faint, but it was there.

Major Monogram held eye contact with Perry as he said, “I'm going to need you to do something, and you're not going to like it. Agent Platypus, I'm going to need you to put your trust in me.”

His base moved in bullet time. Agent Platypus completely taking Perry’s mental space for his own, he began to take the room apart. Major Monogram. He had been up late. Not terribly late but later than usual, maybe 11:00PM? Point being, he was thinking about how to tell him this. Why? What happened? The screen. The screen showed signs of being washed as it normally was in little circles. The cleaning solution wasn't changed. The janitors weren't changed. Why did his base smell? The scent was reminding him of something. Morning. Early morning when he was living with his grandmother. He didn't like this smell. It permeated the person who drank it. Drank it?

Coffee. Seattle.

Perry stood from his chair and turned his body so he could more easily point at the Chinese man he knew was back there.

“Now Perry,” Monogram tried to mediate.

Peter smiled smugly under his dark sunglasses and held up a stop watch. He signed, _Is Agent Platypus losing his touch?_

Physically standing up, Perry rolled up a teal sleeve and marched up to Peter. Peter bent forward slightly and turned his right cheek to Perry. He wanted to hit him. It would satisfy him to no end to get one punch in on the Chinese man. That would get him in both in serious trouble and in a fight he wasn’t sure he could win. He was confident in his skills as an agent, but Peter was huge. Not in a deprecating way, he was a 6’ 5” Chinese man weighing in the late 200 pounds maybe early 300s. Perry had heard from some of his fellow agents that Agent Panda didn’t cut corners when it came to technique either. First in his class and he almost joined the C.I.A.

Electing to flip Peter off, Perry stepped around the larger man and signed, _Sir, you cannot expect me to work well with Agent Panda._

Major raised a brow at Perry, “What I can expect is professionalism in the workplace. Especially from the best Agent in my division.”

Perry could feel his chest tighten in frustration. Peter walked up next to Perry and saluted Major Monogram sharply. Glancing down at the fuming Australian man, Agent Panda offered him a wink. Taking a deep breath that shook his shoulders, Perry nodded up at the screen.

Holding his arm out abruptly and startling Perry, Peter tapped his notebook so Monogram would read it.

“Ah, thank you Agent P for getting us back on track.” Perry suppressed a shiver of rage when Monogram said that.

He was Agent P. Perry knew in his mind that sounded protective and immature but he was Agent P. Major didn’t call anyone other than him Agent P and him calling Peter that grated on his ears.

Peter snapped once in front of Perry’s face making him jump back. Peter pointed at the screen where Major Monogram had been speaking for a little while now. “-But that will all be restated in your portfolio along with your plane tickets and reservation details. Stay safe. Be smart and, great googly moogly you are grown men, be mature.” He pointed between the two Agents, “I swear, you will both be going to HR.”

Both Peter and Perry cringed as the transmission ended. HR was a bad place to be in the O.W.C.A. Looking up at Peter, Peter smiled and signed, _I think your dad likes me._

Perry pulled his fist back and punched at Peter. Reflexively taking a step back, Peter caught Perry’s darker fist and twisted his arm. Panda shook his head and tsked Perry a few times before letting him go and pushing him away from him.

Scowling at the larger man, Perry shook his arm out a few times before he signed, _Where are we going for this mission anyway?_

Peter smirked and signed, _Alberta, Canada. We’re leaving tomorrow._

Nodding once, Perry ran a hand through his teal hair, _I need to tell my family and my nemesis._

 _Seriously? Daddy’s gone and you can’t even call him your boyfriend._ Peter walked past Perry to his own black and white rocket car. Peter ripped out a sheet of paper from his notebook and crumpled it up before throwing it behind him. Perry looked at the paper ball that landed at his feet and picked it up carefully. **Im about 2 C ur man.**

The rocket car started with a low hum. Immediately rushing over to Peter’s rocket car, Perry hopped over the passenger’s side and into shotgun. The Chinese man laughed loudly and began to fly the car out of the base.

* * *

One of Heinz’s robe sleeves was tied up in a loose knot so it didn’t annoy him while he walked around his house. It was a normal Tuesday and he had allowed himself to sleep in. Looking at his phone, he saw he had one unread message from Thwarty Call.

After Doofenshmirtz unlocked phone he read, **Remind me next time I see uI have a surprise 4 u**

Heinz perked up and giggled seeing the message. He loved surprises. It was a little known fact about how much Doofenshmirtz loved surprises because of how little people planned them for him. Typing quickly, Doofenshmirtz sent, **What kind of surprise**

Doofenshmirtz kicked the door to Norm’s closet to wake up the squirrel in his chest. His usual morning routine wasn’t disturbed in the slightest by his sleeping in. Turning on his coffee inator he found himself tapping the side of his phone anxiously before turning on the radio. He smiled realizing it was one of he and Peter’s favorite songs.

Quietly to himself, Heinz sang, “Chop, chop, chop. Chop away at my heart.” There was a loud knock at his door that made Doofenshmirtz shriek. Staring at the door in silence for a moment he could hear two claps. “Perry!” Doofenshmirtz placed his phone next to his coffee inator. “I’m coming!”

Sliding over to the door in his favorite panda slippers, Heinz unlocked both locks. Doofenshmirtz opened the door excitedly and froze when he looked down and saw someone’s torso. Smile over taking his face he didn’t even need to look up to jump into his arms.

“Petey bear!!!” Peter caught Heinz in his hands and laughed a low chortle. Stepping into his penthouse apartment, Peter lifted Doofenshmirtz high in the air and spun him. “Peter you huge jerk!”

Heinz laughed and hugged onto Peter’s shoulders as tightly as he could with one arm. Carefully lowering Heinz back to the ground, Doofenshmirtz stood on the tips of his toes to hug Peter. Once he was safely on the ground, Peter gave him a hug as well. The two broke apart after another second.

An uncontrollable smile on Peter’s face he signed, _Did you like your surprise?_

Doofenshmirtz wanted to hug him again but knew Peter needed his hands to speak, “It’s so good to see you!!” He could feel tears welling in his eyes from happiness. “When did you get here? How long are you staying? Oh geez and I don’t even have my arm on and-”

Peter put his index finger on Heinz’s lips before signing, _I can’t sign that fast._

Doofenshmirtz quickly wiped his eyes while he laughed, “I’m have to go get dressed but, how did you even get here?”

Weighing his options in his head Peter decided to earn himself some brownie points, _Perry invited me when he heard I was in._

“He did?” Doofenshmirtz said, smile starting to hurt his cheeks. Peter nodded and Heinz rushed off, “You see? He’s warming up to you!”

As Doofenshmirtz left for his room Peter wondered how the stairs were treating Perry after he locked the elevator on him.

_**END OF CHAPTER** _


	2. Double Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Heinz have coffee. Perry makes it upstairs and Peter's an uncle

Perry looked up in the stairwell. He would kill Peter for this. He would endure burgundy band training just so he could kill him. ‘Agent Panda went rogue there was nothing he could do.’

Yeah, that was good.

This was the second time he had subjected himself to climbing up these stairs and he was convinced this was the second time anyone had ever climbed these stairs. Hopefully Peter had at least filled Heinz in on the mission and that they would be in Alberta, Canada. Perry had actually never been out of the country for a mission before. The Canadian Organization Without a Cool Acronym should be able to tend to their own problems. Maybe Major Monogram had explained it when he had gotten lost in his own head.

A door a few landings down opened and Perry could hear a woman’s voice, “Hey Romeo!”

Perry walked over to the stair railing and saw the woman he had borrowed paper from the day of the Make-Up-Your-Mind-Inator from the fifth floor.

“I knew there was only man idiot enough to climb the stairs.”

Forgiving the idiot, Perry made his way down the stairs as quickly as he could to meet her. He would kill Panda once he got up there.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz was fully dressed for the day, his prosthetic was in place and functioning properly. He wore his signature lab coat and black shirt. He poured Peter a cup of coffee next to his coffee inator. Leaning on the counter next to Heinz, Peter had pushed up his dark Panda goggles onto his forehead and away from his eyes. It was the only place he didn’t apply concealer but he was comfortable enough with Doofenshmirtz that he wasn’t bothered by it. Whenever Perry got up here though, he would probably pull them back down.

Heinz handed Peter a mug of coffee and said, “Creamer is in the fridge. We have vanilla I think? Maybe Vanessa bought caramel flavored again but that’s not my-my favorite. Not that it’s bad by any means but-”

As his friend continued to ramble on about different kinds of creamer he had, Peter took a long sip of his coffee.

“I mean Vanessa can drink what she likes as long as it’s not-” Doofenshmirtz stopped his rant to look at Agent Panda- “Did you just...drink that?”

Peter nodded and took another drink of his coffee. Heinz’s face scrunched up in disgust, “That’s _gross_.”

Holding out his mug with one hand, Peter fingerspelled, _It’s good. Try it._

Doofenshmirtz looked at his friend skeptically before taking the mug from him. He looked Peter up and down and said, “Are you sure?”

Peter shrugged, _I like it._

Hesitantly, Heinz took a sip of the coffee. Immediately tasting the bitterness, he choked on the drink. Peter grabbed his stomach as he laughed loudly and instinctively apologized. Doofenshmirtz held the mug out to Peter in disgust but couldn’t help but laugh, “No. Not for me.”

Taking the mug back from Heinz, Peter took a drink of the black coffee. _It’s not for everyone._

_Doofenshmirtz nodded and laughed along with Peter._

__

After another moment of enjoying each other’s company, there was a sharp knock at the front door. Peter pulled his dark goggles over his face, and Heinz walked around the counter to the door.

__

“Ah there he is!” Doofenshmirtz pointed a finger at Peter- “Hey I saw that! Take those back off this moment.”

__

Resisting the urge to roll his blue eyes, Peter hesitantly pulled his goggles up and off his forehead. Satisfied, Doofenshmirtz opened the front door.

__

Perry smiled up at his boyfriend and signed, _Hey Heinz._

____

Heinz bent down to hug Perry tightly, catching the Australian man off guard Doofenshmirtz whispered, “I know you don’t like him, but it means so much that you invited him over. Thank you, Perry the Platypus.”

____

Smiling a little cautiously, Perry hugged Heinz back. He most definitely had not invited Peter over to his boyfriend’s penthouse apartment. Perry looked over to Peter who proceeded to give him a subtle thumbs up. Breaking the hug, Doofenshmirtz pecked his boyfriend’s lips and then turned back to Peter.

____

“So-” Heinz made his way back to the coffee inator when Peter slid him his coffee mug- “thank you Petey bear- Agent Panda was telling me that you two are going to do a co-op mission together!” Doofenshmirtz pivoted on one foot to face Perry and said, “Sounds like fun!”

____

Peter took the given opportunity of Heinz’s back to him to flip Perry off. Cringing uncomfortably, Perry signed, _Did you just call him-_ he stopped to fingerspell- _P-E-T-E-Y B-E-A-R?_

____

Doofenshmirtz blinked innocently and snorted, “Well-yeah! I’m sure you’ve heard me call him that before, Perry the Platypus.” Trying to think back, Perry shook his head, _No, I don’t think so._

____

Peter walked over to Heinz and hooked an arm around him before sloppily signing, _Perry Platts is basically a platypus pun in itself._

____

Lowering his toffee brown eyes, Perry quirked an eyebrow before signing, _Yeah, because you’re not a panda pun._ Peter’s eyes widened and he moved his goggles over his eyes. Doofenshmirtz looked between the two and laughed uncomfortably. Slithering out of Peter’s arms, Heinz walked into the den.

____

“Let-let’s go sit! We can talk about the mission and Norm can make us some muffins.” Peter stopped in his tracks and smiled brightly. The Australian man looked at Peter suspiciously. “Ah, yes, Norm is somewhere in the back if you want to-” Peter turned around and rushed back into the kitchen. Watching in confusion and mild annoyance, Perry could hear Doofenshmirtz groan.

____

Perry could feel the ground of the apartment shake as Heinz’s android son bounded into the room, “Uncle Peter, I did not know you were coming to town.” Putting a hand on his hip, Peter suppressed a laugh. Agent Panda opened his arms up wide and smiled at Norm. The android bent down to give Peter a hug when Peter scooped the android up so he was holding the 8 foot robot up bridal style. “Amusing as always, Uncle Peter!” Norm said in his normal cheery voice.

____

Peter laughed confidently as he lifted Norm off the ground. Jaw falling ajar, Perry turned to Heinz who was rolling his eyes, “So help me Peter if you make that squirrel motion sick.” Agent Panda laughed again and swung Norm in his arms. As someone who was almost crushed in a scheme involving Norm, Perry knew first hand that Norm was heavy. After another moment of holding Norm in his arms, Peter put him down and shook out his arms.

____

Norm looked over at Perry, “Your mouth is opened Perry, would you like something to drink?” Perry snapped his jaw closed and he shook his head. Norm’s eyes glowed bright green, “Dad-”

____

“No, no-” Doofenshmirtz immediately denied- “He can be your uncle but dad is still not okay.”

____

Norm slowly looked at the floor before standing up straight again, “Sir-”

____

“That’s already better, thank you.” Heinz interrupted again. Putting a hand on Doofenshmirtz’s shoulder sternly, Perry began to sign something when the door to the penthouse was swung open.

____

Standing out of breath at the door was Vanessa with her hair up in a terribly messy bun. She looked at her father and pointed at him, “I know it’s not your day but Norm told me that Agent Panda is here and I swear if i don’t get to meet-” Vanessa looked at the room that was filled with awkward tension. Glancing between her father and Perry she turned to see Norm and a Chinese man. "You-you're Agent Panda?" Peter looked over to Heinz anxiously looking for approval before he spoke to her. Doofenshmirtz looked a little frustrated at her arrival but nodded anyway. Agent Panda rushed over to the door and fumbled with his black notepad until he was at the first page.

____

**Peter**

____

Vanessa looked up at Peter, still panting from running to her father’s building, and smirked. “Pe-ter? Should you be giving me your first name?” Taking off his black fedora, Peter put it on her head and smiled excitedly. She looked him up and down, “I think I get why you were so jealous Perry.” Unable to keep from laughing, Peter turned to Perry and Heinz with stars in his eyes.

____

Turning back to her abruptly, Peter signed, _I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet you! I am Agent Panda!!_

____

Vanessa laughed awkwardly, “I never thought I’d get to meet you either, Vanessa.”

____

Almost bouncing on the balls of his feet, Peter signed, _And you understand ASL really well!_ Perry watched as Vanessa, Norm and Peter stood in the doorway in confusion.

____

Doofenshmirtz put a hand on Perry’s shoulder, “You know, meeting Vanessa was supposed to be a birthday present.” Slowing nodding, Perry and Heinz walked into the den while Peter and Vanessa got better acquainted.

____

**_END OF CHAPTER._ **

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter!!! I've been balancing a lot of school work because it's the end of my senior year lol but I really really wanted to get this out!!!
> 
> It's a lesser known headcanon of mine that Peter was halfway forbidden from meeting Vanessa until Heinz wanted him to so this isn't the best situation for him but it's going to be okay! I've been rewatching the series with my beta while we work on this fic so if you happen to see some new headcanons surface that's probably why!!! 
> 
> I love peter,,, so damn much,,, for now expect another update next week Tuesday but I don't know what work is going to pile up until then so if not then definitely the Tuesday after that!!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this chapter!! If you're new to me and wondering how Peter and Heinz became bff's please check out the rest of my headcanon filled series! If you liked this chapter be sure to kudos and comment! Until next time!


	3. Pest Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has some ground rules too! References for people who make me happy! Perry the jealous puss! Shut up I'm sleepy

Perry sat next to Heinz, holding his hand loosely as Vanessa and Peter got to know each other. He'd never seen Peter like this. Agent Panda was cold, always exact and never impressed. Peter, the dickish man Perry had come to know, always had something to say and rarely took no for an answer. This Peter was neither of the two he had become accustomed to. Peter’s third mask was one Perry didn't consider ever being there.

“Perry, you didn't!” Vanessa managed between short laughs. Looking in her dark blue eyes, Perry deemed it safest to shrug. She couldn't help but laugh, “That poor guy!”

Peter elbowed Perry and he reflexively made an annoyed face before looking up at Peter. Smile glowing on his face, Peter gave Perry a private wink. Was Peter... Not being insufferable? He hoped desperately that Peter didn't catch himself so Perry could continue to analyze _this_ Peter.

Genuine. That was a good word for this persona. He was surprisingly nice and still a little bit of an ass. It was, however, working in his favor. Very accurate in his pandering to who he was talking to. This person Perry was seeing, was actually Peter Xiang.

Doofenshmirtz leaned into Perry and hummed quietly, “I could get used to this.”

Smiling, Perry wrapped his arm around Heinz as Peter signed with Vanessa.

_You know, if you’re interested in O.W.C.A. I might be able to swing you an internship._

Vanessa perked up, “Really? You know I haven’t _not_ thought about working for the Agency before. Do you think-”

Doofenshmirtz sprung from his spot and slapped Peter’s hands down, “I think that’s enough about the Agency.” He said through his teeth and Peter inhaled sharply before nodding.

 _Sorry. Wasn’t thinking._ He offered Vanessa a friendly smile and looked over at Heinz. _I should probably get going._ Pushing himself up off the couch, Peter leaned over to shake Vanessa's hand. He signed, _Really nice to meet you._ Panda looked over at Doofenshmirtz and signed, _Really, my fault,_ Peter then gave a sign name that Perry didn’t recognize, _is waiting for me. I should probably get going. Thank you so much for letting me meet her._

Vanessa leaned over to Perry, “What are they talking about?” Sitting up straight, Perry gave her a skeptical look. “Oh please. If you can eavesdrop the least you can do is clue me in.”

He rolled his eyes and signed a stern, _Behave._ Vanessa gave him a hurt look and he cursed himself for his weakness to bambi eyes. _We don’t talk about things with you. Things your dad asked us-well at least me-not to bring up._

“Like... the Agency.” He subtly nodded as he tried to continue to eavesdrop. “Is there anything else you’re not allowed to talk about?”

Smiling, Perry signed, _Pushing it._ Peter hugged Heinz and lifted him off the ground by his hips. That sparked something familiar behind Perry’s eyes. That was his boyfriend. Perry patted Vanessa’s knee, stood up from the couch and walked over to the two.

Peter and Doofenshmirtz both laughed when Peter swung him through the air. Carefully lowering Heinz back to the floor, Peter looked at Perry who was walking over to them.

 _Oh. Here comes jealous the platypus._ He could almost feel the blood boil in his cheeks at the new nickname. How charming was so quickly replaced with being an ass. Doofenshmirtz laughed awkwardly between the two as the air once again got heavy. Peter shifted his eyes towards Perry once and then back to Heinz. Then twice.

Taking a dramatically deep breath, Doofenshmirtz turned to face Perry directly. Blue eyes squeezed shut tightly, Heinz blurted out, “Please don’t let me forget we need to talk before you leave tomorrow!” The words spilled out of his mouth so quickly Perry almost had to play catch up. The Drusselsteinian man turned around to Peter anxiously. Rolling his eyes, Peter held up his hand which Heinz eagerly high fived.

Making eye contact with Peter, Perry signed, _And what do we have to talk about exactly?_

The Chinese man offered Perry a friendly smile and shrugged, _Maybe learn how to communicate your insecurities with your boyfriend and you wouldn’t have anything to talk about._

Perry lowered his eyes at Peter, _I think Major Monogram would believe me if I said you fell down some stairs._

Heinz stepped between the two and laughed loudly before turning to Perry and seething, “Don’t you dare.” Peter stuck his tongue out at Perry before Doofenshmirtz turned his attention to Peter, “I said I got this. Don’t dig your own grave.”

Doofenshmirtz laughed loudly again and turned Peter’s body towards the door and gently pushed him towards it. Peter laughed and stopped walking with Heinz’s pushing. Doofenshmirtz groaned and pushed Peter as hard as he could.

“Hu. Mor. Me!!!” He yelled and Peter began to walk towards the door.

_Tell my nephew I said bye!_

Heinz opened the door for Peter and pushed him into the hall, “See you bright an early Petey bear!” Peter lifted his hands to the top of his head and made fists as Doofenshmirtz closed the door.

Perry looked Heinz up and down and lifted two fists to the top of his head, “Panda, Perry! It’s because he’s Agent Panda!” Norm walked into the room slowly, “Norm. Peter said goodbye.”

Looking between Norm and Doofenshmirtz, Perry cautiously signed, _Can I ask something?_ Defeated, Heinz nodded once, _If Peter is ‘Uncle Peter’ who am I?_

Heinz rushed across the room to Norm, “You’re nothing. He’s a robot.”

“You’re my mom.” Norm said innocently.

Doofenshmirtz covered Norm’s glowing mouth and Vanessa laughed loudly. “Oh, now that-” She stopped herself from laughing- “that is funny.”

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo world!!! This chapter was shorter than what we're used to and was mostly fluff so I apologize. This is my second to last week of my senior year!!! Aaaa! That unfortunately means no update for this fic next week ON TUESDAY. I will update this fic next week on SATURDAY. So be on the look out and so sorry for not updating last week!
> 
> Everyone can go and bless DreamingReality for that mom joke that I couldn't resist adding for them! Love ya! 
> 
> Poor Perry is gonna be in troooouuubleeeeee next chapter. Or is he???? Lol jk he's not in trouble so to speak but the actual mission is going to start next chapter so get stoked! My beta and I came up with some super cool concepts for how this is gonna go down and I can't wait to get into this one!!!!
> 
> Please please please if you liked this chapter be sure to kudos and comment and if you're really feeling this AU it's called OW in OWCA and you can read the rest of the series so far. I've finally fully developed my Peter and we'll see how it goes! I really like this fic and I hope you do too! Okay! Read! Kudos! Comment! See you Saturday!


	4. Bye bye Danville

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry and Heinz have a talk about a little thing called jealousy! Reference to PVT and time to go to Canada!

“You know what?”

Perry sat up on Heinz’s bed as he walked from the master bathroom to the bed. He was wearing a long pastel purple nightshirt. Doofenshmirtz had already removed one of his arms for the night and his sleeve was tied tightly in a knot on his shoulder. Falling on the bed next to Perry, Heinz took the opportunity to flip on top of his boyfriend. Perry laughed in surprise and looked at his boyfriend over him.

Rubbing his pale nose against Perry’s, Heinz said, “I think it’s sweet that you text your host family to tell them you’ll be leave-leaving spontaneously.”

Perry silently laughed and hugged onto his boyfriend’s lower back. Kissing his face over and over again, Perry was so happy he had someone like Heinz in his arms even if it had to be secret forever. Doofenshmirtz sat up a little and bit his bottom lip. He could almost feel Heinz’s butterflies in his own stomach with that expression on his face.

“Could we-” Doofenshmirtz coughed dryly- “Could we talk, maybe?” Heinz’s voice audibly cracked and his face flushed bright red. Pushing the heel of his hand over one of his eyes, Doofenshmirtz laughed at himself speaking almost faster than Perry could understand, “Mein Gott, it’s not even--es ist dumm-forget it!”

Perry clicked his tongue and gently grabbed onto Heinz’s wrist. Carefully pulling his wrist away from his face, Agent P gave him a genuine look. Doofenshmirtz laughed at himself and nodded.

“I know that this co-op mission to Alberta isn’t ideal,” Heinz said hesitantly, “and you and Peter don’t have to be friends. I get that he can be kinda a bully.” Perry snorted at how much Heinz was underselling Peter’s nature. Doofenshmirtz pushed a pale finger against his cheek- “You see that? That is why we’re having this talk. You need to be less jealous!” Blinking up at his boyfriend, he caught himself surprised at Heinz’s declaration. “You-you’re really really jealous all the time. Especially around Peter and Danny-yes you are and I was sparing you so don’t start.” Perry’s jaw snapped closed.

“I get that Peter and I have some... history. But _you_ are my boyfriend. Agent P is _not_ my boyfriend. The _platypus_ is not my boyfriend. Perry Platts, that is my boyfriend. So when you are Agent Platypus you aren’t allowed to be jealous because I’m not dating him.”

Perry felt a little hurt by the statement but it was an unspoken truth between the two after Tokyo. Agent Platypus couldn’t sneak his way back into their relationship and the evil scientist in Heinz had better not be scheming anything while they were off duty. Perry still loved Doofenshmirtz. The nemesis that over shared and was a little flashy. Heinz who under shared sometimes despite his talkative nature and needed constant attention. He loved both of them. Being fair to Heinz however, he doubted that if what happened in Tokyo were reversed they would still be together. There were a few times Perry had caught Heinz flinching if he raised his hand just a little too high. Even though they were done talking about it, Tokyo would probably never really go away. Perry wrapped his arms around Doofenshmirtz and rested his head on his chest. Imagining his face when he knocked him into the railing on top of that high tower.

“I know you’re thinking about Tokyo.” Perry glanced up at Heinz, “I-I was too. Even though I definitely could have just lied and said I was thinking about muffins.”

Laughing quietly at Doofenshmirtz, he listened Heinz’s heart beating in his chest. It was soothing made this moment more real for him. Steady and somehow very kind.

“You take O.W.C.A. seriously, right? You value what you do and that you’re my nemesis?” Perry sat up defensively and nodded. Grabbing his tanned face in his hand, Doofenshmirtz forced Perry to look at him. “This is a mission. This is your job. You can suck it up for the 6 days you have Peter to get one mission done. Don’t think about me.”

Heinz placed his index finger between his eyebrows and did his best Major Monogram voice, “Think about the-uh-mission and fedoras and blah blah-” was as far as Doofenshmirtz could go before choking himself on laughter. Perry couldn't help but snort out a laugh. Heinz buried his fingers in Perry’s teal hair. “I’m going to miss you tomorrow.” Frowning, Perry leaned into Doofenshmirtz hand and gently kissed his wrist. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” Perry bit his bottom lip and looked up at Heinz a little guilty. “So yes, go on Perry the Platypus.”

* * *

The doorbell rang to the penthouse apartment as Doofenshmirtz handed Perry his mug of tea.

He kissed his forehead before saying, “I’ll get it.”

Heinz rushed over to the front door and swung it open. Peter stood at the front door in a crisp suit and his Agent Panda sunglasses over his eyes. Looking up at Peter, Doofenshmirtz squinted.

“I’m sorry sir I have a nemesis you’ll have to go.”

He said and started to close the door. Panda shoved his foot in front of the door and stopped it. Heinz laughed loudly and let him in. Peter look off his sunglasses and gave him a hug. Taking a long sip of his tea, Agent P waved at Peter. Doofenshmirtz scrambled away from the door and towards the coffee-inator. Panda offered him a cold nod before putting his sunglasses back on.

“Hope you don’t mind Panda. I made you some coffee and there are some donuts on the table.”

Glancing down at the panda mug, Peter couldn’t help but laugh. The vocalization startling Perry a bit as Heinz ran back into the room with his own coffee. Doofenshmirtz chugged his coffee like a pro and the three sat in comfortable silence, Heinz staring between the two agents hoping they would talk to each other but they would not. After another few minutes of silence Doofenshmirtz finally stood up.

“Well, your plane leaves in about an hour and a half. So if you want to leave in plenty of time you had better go.” Both men stared up at Heinz as he took their mugs. “You know you two have a lot more in common than you think.”

Agents Panda and Platypus both stood up in an attempt to help him take the dishes but Heinz refused their help.

“You both love me!” Heinz said almost giddy as he put the dishes in the sink. “And you both have to catch the same plane! So get-get going! See you in a few days and please be safe.”

The two Agents looked at each other and tried not to look disappointed. They could do this for Heinz.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter and sorry for the long wait! I'm on summer break now so don't worry you'll have consistent updates again!!! I'm really happy for summer! 
> 
> This chapter was pretty fluffy and is really helped me get back into the kick of consistency! Heinz and Perry and Peter have things to work out and Perry and Peter will do it together! 
> 
> Also, it's only happened once so I'm not mad but I had to delete a comment this morning that had a slur in it. Please keep those out of your comments this chapter. 
> 
> Anyway! Thank you again for reading this chapter! If you enjoyed it please leave a comment and kudos for me! I really love my AU it's precious to me! Thank you again!! I hope to see you all Tuesday!


	5. Panda Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two take the flight and are officially in Alberta!!

Perry secured his luggage above his seat on the plane and turned to Peter. Snapping once to get his attention, he took the black bag from panda and put it over his head. Perry secretly hoped that he wouldn't only have to deal with Panda on this mission.

Though, Panda was already less talkative which was a plus. He noted the heavy amount of makeup that must have covered his whole face to get rid of his vitiligo. Perry couldn't imagine why, he didn't think Peter’s skin condition took away from him. Heinz once told him Peter was self conscious about his skin.

He didn't believe it.

Maybe that was a way he attempted to ‘charm’ Heinz, but Peter was insecure about nothing. He loved his weight, used his height to his advantage, shared his culture, and was always eager to educate about his sexuality. Peter being insecure about his skin? That had to be a lie. Once the two had sat in their seats next to each other Agent P immediately needed some air. Peter had given Perry the aisle seat so he could lean against the window.

Folding his arms and lying his head back, Perry elected to relax instead of worrying about Peter. Still, while on the job Perry could never just relax. The plane fragmented in his mind as Agent Platypus began to analyze it. They were a little far from the emergency exit. Not to a point where he was worried he wouldn’t get out but to the point where there wouldn’t be a parachute for him and Agent Panda.

Agent Panda would take the chute and hold him more likely than not. Their seat was close to the pilot hull, Peter would probably make it his mission to get the pilots out if something happened. Perry couldn’t leave without Peter.

“Sir?” Cracking his toffee brown eyes open again, Agent P looked over the brim of his fedora to see a young woman holding out a tray of peanuts. “Are either of you interesting in a bag of peanuts?” Peter reached over Perry and grabbed a bag.

He gave her a friendly smile and held up a yellow sticky note that said **Thanks. Sry 4 note we r deaf**

Making a silent ‘oh’ with her lips she said a little louder, “MY AP-OL-O-GIES SIRS.” She walked away from them, “I can’t believe the only two men I’ve ever seen pull off a fedora and they’re deaf!”

A moment after she left them, Peter started quietly snickering to himself before breaking into a full chortle. Perry stared at Peter as he laughed. Turning in his seat to look at the young lady who was offering more people peanuts, Perry frowned. He elbowed Peter and he stopped himself from laughing for a moment.

_Why do you do that?_ Peter quirked an eyebrow at Perry, clearly trying to contain his giggles. _You throw yourself a pity party and you get ignorant people like that thinking it's okay to do that kind of thing!_

Peter stared at Perry, _It’s not my intention to throw myself a pity party or to be on the receiving end of ignorance. Nothing about my interaction with that young woman implied so._ Agent Platypus glared at him, _Why would I do that to myself? Odds are she’s dealt with disabled people like you and I before and like you they said nothing. She probably assumed they were assholes. Do you know what she’s going to do next time someone doesn’t answer her?_ Peter stared at Perry, face shifting effortlessly into Agent Panda. _She’s going to check herself and try to communicate better. I’m not promoting ignorance. I’m actively promoting awareness._

Panda was quick and effortlessly smooth with his signs. Perry stared at Panda and took a deep breath. He wasn’t lying. That was his intention. Peter leaned his head back on the window and pulled out his phone. Perry stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath, he told Heinz he could pretend to like Peter.

Maybe not criticizing how he interacted with strangers was a good place to start. After another hour or so on the plane the flight attendants made their way around again. Peter sat awake on his phone while Perry was on and off asleep. If their social skills continued the way they were at the moment, the mission would be a long six days. Two women walked up to their seats again and Perry pretended to be asleep.

“Okay let’s do this.” The woman whispered before clearing her throat.

Panda glanced up from his phone and immediately melted into Peter. He elbowed Perry and he sat up, taking the time to smack Peter’s elbow. Pointing up at the two women, he irritably looked up at them. Perry was surprised to see one woman holding the platter and a phone while the other woman from before held up her hands.

“Okay! Um..” She waved at them, “HE-LLO.” She placed her right thumb behind her front teeth before pulling it forward, “PEA-NUTS?”

Peter repressed a laugh and signed, _Thank you._

The girl looked at her friend, “Oh shoot! What does that mean?”

Agent Panda whipped out his paper pad and flipped through the first few pages before finding what he was looking for. He held up a page that said, **Thx!**

She smiled from ear to ear and brightened up the aisle. Her friend bounced in place as she asked, “So did I do the.. the hand thing right?” Both men nodded and she squealed. “See I told you I could do it if I tried!”

Perry turned to look at Peter who offered him a condescending wink.

* * *

Once they had gotten off the plane and entered the airport it wasn't hard to find a sign that read **Peter and Perry** Peter turned to Perry and tapped his shoulder.

As Perry turned to look up at him, he signed _They wrote my name first._

Perry glowered at Peter as he waved and then pointed to the luggage line. The driver nodded in acknowledgement and walked around the car to open the back door. Peter pushed Perry toward the car. In audibly growling at the man, Panda made his way over to the luggage line to get their bags. Agent Platypus nodded gratefully to the man holding open the car door and climbed inside. The car driver stood holding the door silently waiting for Peter. After only a few minutes of waiting, Perry pulled out his phone.

**In Alberta**

Heinz’s text came immediately, **Good morning to u too**

Perry cringed and quickly typed, **Sry. Morning what r u doing?**

He could hear the trunk close behind him and stared at the door for Peter to walk in.

**P good! Norm made muffins so im tinkering with a muffin** Glancing at the text, Perry could feel himself internally panic. Peter bent over and climbed into the car, once he was comfortably seated the driver closed his door.

Perry quickly typed, **If they send Rhino hes going 2 literally break u**

Peter hummed loudly and startled Perry. Smiling, Peter signed, _Texting Heinz?_ Perry slowly nodded. _He’s not scared of the other Agents he’s going to keep inventing. Even if you threaten him with your psycho friend eagle._

_Eva is not psycho. She’s a good person._ Perry immediately defended while Peter twirled both his index fingers on either side of his head. A small screen lowered from the car ceiling and lit up with the face of Wanda Acronym.

Clearing her throat softly, she began, “Hello Agents, I’m very hall to see that you both have safely-” the two men froze hearing their superior’s voice. Perry with one hand up in his real hair and Peter with both index fingers horizontal with his ears. “What on earth are you two doing?”

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter!!! If you liked it be sure to comment and kudos! See you next Tuesday!


	6. Sweet Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Perry have a nice and awkward car ride

Perry pushed Peter into the leather seat and saluted Wanda Acronym. Peter adjusted both arms directly at his sides and offered Wanda a nod. She stared blankly at the two and loosed a dramatic sigh.

“I’ve heard the rumors same as everyone else. But for the mission, hands to yourself.”

Perry’s face slowly morphed into one of disgust as Peter cackled. The laugh was loud and uncontained but also slightly off. His laugh shifted between two octaves before finding Peter’s usual laugh. Waving his hands through the air, Perry attempted to communicate the strongest no he could. Peter clicked his tongue loudly to get Perry’s attention. Once he had it, Agent Panda winked at Perry.

“Enough.” Wanda snapped sternly. Peter and Perry sat at attention looking at her. Glowering at the two, she said, “I expect more from you Agent Panda. I entrusted you to keep this mission professional.” Peter visibly stiffening and he nodded once.

Making sure to keep his eyes on Wanda until she looked down at her papers, Perry stole a glance at Peter. He was rigid. Like he had disappointed her and once again Perry caught himself wondering what the real Peter was like. Which one was he looking at right now? He was nervous and open but not vulnerable. This was the same Peter from Heinz’s living room. The Peter his boyfriend had fallen for in Seattle. This was the Peter that Perry needed to talk with.

Wanda cleared throat, “You two are going to be taken to your hotel. From there you'll check in and begin your investigation. The culprit’s name is Doctor Snow.”

Doctor Snow. Perry kept the name of Kevin Destructicon in the back of his mind. Heinz was knit into the villain community but not as tightly as Kevin was. If Doofenshmirtz didn’t have any valuable information regarding a Doctor Snow, Destructicon would.

“Doctor Snow fled the country a while ago to hide from evil deeds and we believe the good doctor may be at it again. We trust you two to locate Snow and report back. We’ll discuss extraction then, good luck Agents.”

Both men saluted the Admiral as she cut off the transmission. The screen slowly ascended into the ceiling of the car again. Perry bit his bottom lip and lifted his hands as if to say something and then put them back down. Taking a loud and awkward breath, Perry tapped his fingers on his knees. Peter turned to him and smirked.

 _You know,_ Peter began, gaining Perry’s attention, _Admiral Acronym can be a hard ass. I’ll admit that, but she’s like family to me. Wouldn't trade her for anything even when she is mother hovering me._

Perry nodded in understanding and let his gaze wander to the floor.

The ride in the car after that was silent. Moreover, there was no signing between either of the agents. The air between them was heavy and awkward despite how much Perry was actually interested in this Peter. Agent Platypus tapped his fingers against his knee quietly while Peter stared out the window.

“Oh!” Peter vocalized and dug into his pants pocket.

He pulled out a sticky note pad and a pen with the O.W.C.A. logo on the side. Clicking the pen open, Peter scribbled on a sticky note to make sure it worked. Peter removed and crumpled up the note he scribbled on as he wrote something on another note. He held up the bright pink note and whistled for the driver. The driver glanced in his rearview mirror and adjusted it to read the note clearly.

“Yessir.” Came the driver’s gruff response. His French Canadian accent fully tangible when he spoke.

Peter fell back into his seat as the driver made a sharp right. Not looking at him, Perry held out his hand and clasped it a few times. Once he felt the sticky note in his hand he pulled it to eye level.

**Be a little whimsical Platyboiii ;p**

Perry briskly turned to look at Peter. Peter couldn't hold back a laugh as Perry punched his shoulder.

* * *

Peter offered Perry his hand, as he stood outside of the car with a smile on his face. Agent Platypus exhaled through his pores. Peter’s smile was a little too cheesy, that smile that’s too happy for it to be genuine. It reeked of effort. Whether he was genuinely trying to be friendly towards Perry or was trying to appease Doofenshmirtz was unreadable. The latter was the safest bet. The Chinese man, finally fed up, grabbed Perry under his armpits and pulled him out of the vehicle.

Perry flailed against him in defiance against Peter, but he managed to hold Perry steady as he kicked at him. Peter waved at the driver and the car sped off. Letting go of him, Peter stepped back and gave Perry a condescending smirk.

_Are you twelve?_

Perry scowled at him and brushed himself off. He was wearing a teal t-shirt with dark jeans and an orange belt. He wasn’t dressed appropriately to see a C.O.W.C.A. official. Turning to face the building, Perry was caught off guard by what he saw.

It was a diner.

A cheap looking diner that was just barely in Alberta. The outside was littered with faded neon signs advertising kinds of alcohol served inside and that they were open. Perry blinked a few times to make sure he was actually in front of a diner. It smelled like cigarette smoke where they stood outside. Peter smiled and gestured to the diner. Agent P could almost see the desperation in Peter’s face. He wanted to make this work. He wanted to sit with Perry, discuss the mission, and have a late lunch with him. Perry really couldn’t fault Peter for trying to make the mission less painful. But did it have to be a diner?

Smile not daring to leave his face, Peter signed, _I don’t know about you, but I am hungry! I could eat a mountain of donuts._

Perry’s lips quirked up at the corners. After another second, he slowly shrugged and nodded at Peter. Peter grinned and grabbed Perry’s hand before he could change his mind. Stumbling a little as he was dragged inside of the diner, Perry did his best to get the image of what the bathrooms might look like in here out of his head. He would just have hold it. Being a germaphobe could be pain in the ass sometimes, but he could stand to make a few compromises for the mission. Still, he would not be entering the diner’s bathroom. Perry also felt the urge to keep his body as far from the under and sides of tables as he could.

A waitress looked up at the two and smiled, “You can go on ahead and seat yourselves, eh?”

Perry gave her a weak smile, doing his best not to look completely repulsed by the diner.

 _Thank you!_ Peter signed and bee lined for a table near the window.

Perry closed his eyes and prayed that table did _not_ touch his person. Peter pulled out his own chair, sat, and gestured for Perry to follow suit. Nodding once, Perry took a deep breath and pulled out his chair. Once he had actually sat on the yellow orange leather seat, Peter handed him a laminated menu. Perry took it and looked over the tiny list of items they served here. A few different kinds of burgers, a selection of other sandwiches, 2 appetizers and drinks. The entirety of the menu fit on one side. Agent P noted that there was almost no one in this restaurant. A few older people were sitting and eating. The diner wasn't nearly accessible enough nor unique enough to attract a crowd of any size. All in all, it was a good choice for two ASL speaking secret agents to have a discreet lunch. Perry looked up at Peter and tapped the plastic table.

Peter looked up from his menu and Perry signed, _How did you even know about this place?_

Smirking, Peter held his arms out and looked around proudly. _I asked the driver to take us to the nearest diner. Not the worst we could do._ Perry blinked and nodded. He already felt more appreciative of their setting when he considered where they could have ended up. Mischief curling Peter's lips, he signed, _Are you ready to be my friend, Perry the sourpus?_

He could feel his patience being immediately worn down, _Are you ready to stop being such a condescending asshole?_

_Condescending asshole? Classic._

Before Perry could sign another response, the waitress that greeted them at the front walked up to the table. "Good evening boys, my name is-" she stopped herself- "were you two fighting with your hands?"

Both Agents looked at each other, a little exhausted, and they both nodded.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS TUESDAY I UPDATED THIS ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!
> 
> My schedule has been jam packed lately guys and I'm so so so sorry for all this inconsistent updating!!! But I've just finished freshman orientation for college and have a schedule for next year! So with the real life responsibility out of the way I will be able to update(hopefully) more consistently!!!!
> 
> I do see all the comments from you guys in my inbox and I swear I will reply to all of you ASAP!!1!!!11 So so sorry again! Ii am alive and I am working again!
> 
> I am going to make the best effort I can put forward to update on Tuesdays weekly again!! This chapter is a nice little bridge into the good stuff!! Get ready to see some good plot and relationship development next chapter!
> 
> If you liked this chapter be sure to comment and kudos and if you've liked this fic so far check out the rest of the series! See you all next Tuesday! Bye bye!


	7. Hot in the Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Perry get into it at a diner! So much for a nice meal!

The waitress moved a braid behind her ear before placing a hand on her hip, “I’ve seen plenty of men fight with their fists but not their hands.”

Peter looked at Perry and slid his pink sticky note pad over to him. Frowning, he snatched the pen from Peter and wrote quickly on the note and slid the pad back to Peter.

**No. Bite me.**

Agent Panda rolled his eyes and wrote on a different sticky note, **It’s sign language.** He held the note out to her and she took it.

“It’s-Oh!” Her dark eyes brightened her face, “Wait, I think I remember a couple you did.” The waitress made the sign for ‘A’ and tapped it against her head twice. “What’s this one, eh?”

Peter covered his mouth as he repressed a laugh. Shaking his head, Perry reached up and grabbed her dark skinned hand. He continued to slowly shake his head as Peter laughed.

She smiled between the two of them, “Is it a cuss?” Peter nodded furiously while Perry scolded Peter. The waitress looked at Peter, “Tell me what it means!” Peter picked up his pen and grabbed his sticky note pad. In an act of self preservation, Perry lunged over the table and pushed the bridge of Peter’s glasses into his nose.

“Ah!” Peter vocalized. Both out of shock and pain. Regret was already running up Perry’s spine as Peter fixed his glasses. Peter’s eyes watered reflexively, forcing him to wipe his eyes. _Dick!_

She looked between the two of them, clearly she found them entertaining. Perry bit his bottom lip and debated reaching for Peter. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that. Putting on hand over his mouth, he elected Peter didn’t want his help.

The waitress looked down at Perry, “So what he said to you... that was another cuss, eh?” Perry nodded and her grinned widened, “I mean this is probably a shit storm for you later, but I needed this excitement today.” Lowering his eyes, Perry slowly shifted his attention to her. She cleared her throat, “My name is Jessalyn, I'll be your server. I think I'll give you a minute to deal with-” she gestured to the table. “This!”

Jessalyn rushed away from the table and walked into the kitchen.

Perry immediately signed, _Sorry!_ Over and over again. Peter took off his glasses and cleaned them on his black shirt.

Looking up at him, Peter laughed and shook his head, _What the actual fuck?_

_I don’t know!_

Peter couldn’t stop laughing as he signed, _I’m telling Heinz._ Smiling, Perry repressed a laugh as Peter continued, _Yep, I’m a grown man telling on another grown man to a third grown man._ Peter put his glasses back on and blinked a few times. _Speaking of, have you called Heinz yet today?_

Perry shrugged his shoulders, already feeling more comfortable, _I texted him when we first got in the car._

Glancing down at his menu, Peter signed, _You should call him when we get to the hotel._ Perry quirked an eyebrow at Peter and he rolled his eyes, _Come on Platts, dating 101! Make it look like you miss him._

__

Perry could feel his heartbeat in his chest. Was he actually implying that Heinz thought he didn’t care about him because he was in the field. In his texts with him in the car he had said Peter had texted him that morning. Perry could feel frustration take over his expression as jealousy rested behind his eyes, _I miss him! But that doesn’t mean- YOU are not his boyfriend._

__

_Don’t get defensive._

__

_I’m not getting defensive!_ Perry signed angrily. Peter looked at him wide eyed for a moment.

__

Peter lowered his eyes and smiled, _Fine. Don’t take my advice. It’s not like I’m unable to take help from someone because of something that happened in MAY._

__

Perry ground his teeth together, doing his best not to make a scene in this diner. _That is not what this is about. You’re the one hovering over my boyfriend._ Peter let out a condescending laugh.

__

_It is always going to be about that with you._ Agent Panda leaned closer to Perry and signed, _What do you want to hear? What can I say to make it go away?_

__

Perry took a deep breath, wearing a choleric face. He looked at Peter smiled, _You’re delusional._

__

Peter gave him a skeptical look and nodded. Perry could feel his face flush with rage. Most people would relish having the last word in an argument but Peter made it impossible. Peter made everything impossible. He was so stubborn and hard headed and even when he was wrong he was right.

__

The waitress slowly walked over to the table and whispered, “Ya done? Done hand language fighting?” Peter gave her a friendly nod and she crouched by the table, “So... how does that work? Are you guys not on speaking terms? Like, how do you ignore someone who speaks hands?”

__

Perry cringed at her almost hilariously offensive words. Grinning up at her, Peter closed his eyes and put a hand over his glasses.

__

She laughed brightly thinning the tension slightly, “Can I start you out with something to drink?”

__

Clicking his pen open again, Peter quickly wrote on a pink sticky note and gave it to her.

__

“One black coffee, eh?” Jessalyn clarified and Peter nodded. She turned to look at Perry, “And you sweetheart?” Peter slid him the pink sticky note pad and smiled at him expectantly.

__

Perry glared back at Peter. He was mocking him. Peter was using this opportunity to openly mock him. Perry pushed the note pad back at Peter and scowled. Peter held his hands up innocently and nodded to Perry. Perry picked up his cheaply laminated menu and pointed to a drink on it.

__

“So that's... the unsweetened tea? That right?” She asked and Perry nodded up at her. “Great! I'll be right back, eh?”

__

Peter watched her as she walked off before signing, _You couldn't have written a note this one time?_

__

Perry mockingly covered his eyes with one hand and shrugged. Peter wrote a note on one of the pink stickies and slid the pad across the table. Not even bothering to look at the note, Perry separated the note from the pink pad and crumpled it up. He slid the ball into his pants pocket and exhaled defiantly. Peter sighed in disappointment and took his sticky note pad back.

__

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!! Perry is a jealous jealous man!!! This fic has been mostly Perry POV thus far but next chapter you can expect Peter POV!!! 
> 
> Jeez guys! Their first real actual argument!!! But not their last!!! If you liked this chapter be sure to leave me a comment and kudos!!! And hey do you like this fic? Check out the OW in OWCA series!!! I'll see you all next Tuesday!! Stay awesome!


	8. Mama Bear Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Switching to Peter's POV for a little while!! They finally get to the hotel more or less together. Peter talks to Heinz. Perry is in trouble.

Peter slammed the door behind him and smirked as he could feel Perry’s fists hitting the door from the other side. He looked at his room key and the one he had pick pocketed from Perry smugly.

Whatever.

He deserved it.

Once the banging on the door had stopped, Peter stepped away from the door. He knew Perry would never break down a hotel door. Platypussy. Peter walked over to the bed closest to the window and tossed his bag on the ground. Finally a break.

Peter flopped backwards onto the bed and hummed. Dealing with Perry's bullshit was exhausting. Every time Peter felt like he was getting close to being his friend. Every time he started to consider Perry to be a halfway decent person, it was the expo. That fucking expo. If he could go back and do everything over again he would have kept his hands to himself. He clearly couldn't just apologize and the working time machine in Danville was to remain classified. Peter could feel his head pound as he patted his pants pockets.

Pulling out his phone, he smiled to see that he had a missed call from Heinz. No. He wouldn't go back even if he could. Even if it meant having Perry as a friend. Without Doofenshmirtz caring about him, a little too much albeit, he might not even have been working at O.W.C.A. anymore.

* * *

Peter stirred awake early hearing a quiet buzzing somewhere. He could feel two arms clutch at his abdomen as someone let out a quiet whine. Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK. Peter switched into Agent Panda as quickly as he could. Last night. What the fuck happened last night? He didn't dare to look at whoever was clutching onto him like that.

Last night.

The expo. The evil genius expo this weekend where he was supposed to meet his nemesis. He could feel his heart rise into his throat and his blood boiled up to his ears. A flood of memories knocked the breath out him when he realized who was holding onto him.

The Doctor. Something uncommon, maybe Drusselsteinian. Heinz. Doctor Heinz Doofy something. Doofenshmirtz. Hesitant to look down, Peter saw Doofenshmirtz clinging onto him and he hummed a pleased hum in his sleep. Lips curling in relief, Peter gently rubbed his thumb against Heinz’s lower back. Doofenshmirtz smiled in his arms and held Peter even tighter. He could feel a need to care for the man in his arms.

Doofenshmirtz’s blue eyes fluttered open after another second. Heinz's eyes widened to the size of saucers and Peter repressed a laugh. Slowly turning his head to look up at Peter, his face softened with relief.

“Peter.” Peter breathed a short laugh and nodded at Heinz, moving some of his brown hair or of his face. “Woooo thank goodness Peter,” Heinz flipped onto his back so some of his back and shoulders were laying on Peter’s stomach, “you know I was really afraid after last night you were just going to leave me! Not that you didn't seem like a good guy, but if there were a crying stranger in my arms I think I would _book it_.”

Cupping the doctor’s chin gently, he looked up at Peter expectantly. He shook his head.

Heinz smiled with genuine happiness and dryly coughed, “Do you sign? I can sign pretty well. I mean when I lost this arm-” he knocked on his right arm making a loud metal noise- “completely titanium-seriously, I got a little worse at ASL after that but I'm competent and I can still do it!” Doofenshmirtz finally declared proudly.

Blinking once, Peter slowly signed, _Apple slices._

Heinz quirked an eyebrow and giggled through his words, “Apple slices? What does that mean?”

Peter smiled brightly, _I didn't believe you. You really can sign?_ Doofenshmirtz nodded brightly. _Then I'm really sorry-_ he stopped himself- _for last night? I don't know. I'm not usually like that I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or overstep or make you so upset._

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” Doofenshmirtz grabbed both of Peter's hands, “Stop, okay? My turn to talk, can't exactly promise I'll be super-” he made air quotes with his hands as he said- “‘composed,’ but just-just-just let me okay.” Peter nodded woodenly and Doofenshmirtz continued, “Okay. Okay? Okay. Now I'm sorry-and before you shush me again let me.... j-just hear me out.” Heinz took a shaky breath, “I really did like...everything. But going any further, it would have been leading you on.” Peter let out a low hum, “But you're great! And a great guy and a catch might I add. Maybe if I were more confident in myself and in someone else then I would have-”

He stopped himself when another loud buzz could be heard in the room. Peter felt his pockets but did not feel his phone. Grunting apologetically, Peter jerked his head toward the blazer and lab coat piled by the wall.

Doofenshmirtz’s cheeks visibly brightened remembering being up against the wall. He turned his head away embarrassed and laughed dryly, “That's your phone right? You can get it if you need to.”

Peter stared at his blazer. It had to be the C.I.A. If they had messaged him more than once now did that mean that he had been accepted? Peter was in the middle of switching agencies. O.W.C.A. was a nice agency but he wasn't terribly attached to it. There wasn't anyone there who was really his friend, save Javier Garcia, and he was ready to move on to a bigger and better agency. Freshen up his fresh start.

“Panda, you okay?” Peter look down at Heinz.

Heinz.

Thinking of anyone intent on hurting this sweet man awoke something protective in his chest. Any agent arresting him or heaven forbid _breaking_ a bone of his.

Peter looked down at Doofenshmirtz and signed, _Are they bad to you? Your partner?_

Heinz’s hair stood a little taller hearing that, his cheeks bright red, “Partner? I-Well that's funny because-partner?”

He babbled on for a few minutes before Peter put one of his hands over Doofenshmirtz’s mouth. Waiting for him to calm a little, Peter lifted his hand again.

“Thank you..” Heinz cleared his throat- “It's actually my nemesis? He's a good Agent! But uh- he's nonverbal and can't sign and he just uh beats me up and leaves. But that's the nemesis program right? Everyone complains about that!” He laughed nervously.

Fire lit inside of Peter. _That_ was the nemesis program? That was appalling! Not just appalling but infuriating! Peter took Heinz’s hands protectively. Someone was... actually hurting him.

Letting go of his hands Peter signed, _What if it was me?_ Heinz stared at his hands. _What if I were your nemesis?_ Doofenshmirtz looked at Peter and slowly smiled.

“Really?!” Peter laughed and shushed him, “Sorry, but really?! You would?! Because I was thinking about it myself but I didn't want to say anything! You would really take me as your nemesis?” Nodding, Peter was unable to keep a smile off his face from Doofenshmirtz’s enthusiasm. Doofenshmirtz lunged up at Peter and hugged onto his neck tightly. “Yes! I would love that! Yes!”

Peter glanced down at the blazer, O.W.C.A. needed him. _Heinz_ needed him. So he would have to stay.

* * *

Quickly unlocking his phone, Peter typed out a message. **Sry. Was at lunch w/ ur bitch ass boyfriend gonna call rn** Peter pulled his black bag onto his bed and quickly pulled out his dual tablet and laptop. Typing out his password, he opened skype and waited for Heinz to reply.

**Ready when you are!! :-D**

Smiling, Agent P clicked on Doofenshmirtz’s contact and clicked call. After about two rings, Heinz picked up and smiled at Peter from his home.

He waved excitedly, “Hi Petey bear!!!”

Peter smiled and signed, _Hey pretty kitty._ Heinz had come up with the nicknames. ‘Petey bear’ was hard on his ears but it really made Heinz happy.

Heinz pulled out his phone, “So, based on this period in this text lunch-dinner didn't go well?” Peter ran both hands down his face and groaned loudly. “You realize you calling him my ‘jerkhead boyfriend’ isn't helping your case either right.”

Peter smirked, Heinz hated cussing. He didn't really understand the motivation for why but he found it charming. Peter signed, _I'm trying so hard Heinz. I even tried to give him advice and he got mad at me!_

“Okay, but how did you present the advice?”

 _Just like you said! Like he's my mother in law!_ Peter pouted, _After that, then the claws came out._

“Peter.” He scolded and Peter messed up his own hair dramatically. “He gets defensive pretty easily you have to try to adapt to that.” Heinz batted his eyelashes, “Pleeeeaaase?”

Lowering his eyes, Peter signed, _I hate him._

“No you don't, you're just saying that!”

 _No really. Insufferable toddler of a man. It was MAY you weren't even dating we didn't even DO anything. I hate him._ Peter complained, _He got mad at me for telling someone I was fucking deaf! And you know he refused to write a note to a waitress to take his order!! I even wrote him a note and he just crumpled it up!_

Doofenshmirtz looked a little hurt by that, “That's... really bad of him I'm sorry. What did the note say?” Peter lifted his hands to sign when the door to the hotel room clicked open. Smirking, Peter stared at the door where Perry walked in angrily.

Face red, Perry quickly signed, _I fucking hate you!_

Smiling Peter signed, _I'm on the phone right now._ Peter jolted back as Perry attempted to hit him in the face. Bless his reflexes.

“Perry!” Doofenshmirtz yelled in shocked disbelief.

The teal haired man blinked, wide eyed as he looked at Heinz on the screen. Peter pointed at Perry and quietly ‘oohed’ at him.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter!!!! Okay this chapter was really fun to write I was OVERJOYED! 
> 
> Before I say anything else, let me wish a happy belated birthday to DreamingReality!!! It was Wednesday!! Happy bday buddy!!
> 
> Today is the Fourth of July so to the American readers happy independence I guess! Sure! 
> 
> Perry really just got himself in big trouble with that punch and what Peter had to say! Perry's heavy animosity it WELL RECIPROCATED by Peter. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! If you liked it be sure to comment and kudos! I hope you guys liked the slightly longer chapter?? If you did mention that to me as well I'll try to make the other chapters equally as long! If you liked what you read here how about you check out the rest of my AU! Until next week!


	9. MUSCLE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last flashback to after the expo! Perry is thoroughly yelled at. Doofenshmirtz presents unexpected intel about Doctor Snow.

Perry waved awkwardly at Doofenshmirtz on the screen who did not look happy. Attempting to sign something at his awkward angle in the camera Heinz interrupted him with a quiet, “Don't.” He turned to Peter, “Peter, we’ll finish our conversation in a minute. Could you take out your aids and give him your computer.” 

Peter cringed. Take out his aids? That was sleep on the couch levels of trouble. He nodded and handed Perry the tablet carefully. Perry shot him a look that has probably killed men in the past and took the computer. Peter held up his hands innocently before carefully taking one aid out of his ear.

He could hear Heinz loudly, “Are you kidding me right now?! I asked you for one thing and this-” And Peter slid the other aid of his ear.

Yep. Doofenshmirtz was pissed off. It was nice to see that his Heinz could be a tough guy. Especially considering his experience with him at the expo.

* * *

Peter wore a red name tag that only said one word in all capital letters.

**MUSCLE**

He'd heard of hiding in plain sight but he could feel himself sweat surrounded by all of these evil scientists. Some of them he could vaguely remember a case file for, others of which he had no clue about. The event was much bigger than he had anticipated as well. There weren't 20 or 30 scientists. There were a little more than 100 villains here. Not to include the other people marked muscle here. They all looked fully capable to throw down and eager. Panda wasn't trained for this. Peter wasn't ready.

Doofenshmirtz held onto his hand tightly as he walked through the crowd. “I'd like to apologize in advance I'm probably going to be pretty popular today. Not-not that I'm not always popular!" He said defensively and puffed out his chest. Peter supposed it was nice that he was trying to be about as evil as he could be. Heinz slouched again before muttering, "Professor Destructicon surrendered himself recently and he was my mentor.”

Peter’s jaw fell slightly. As in _the_ Professor Kevin Destructicon? Peter had to keep himself from geeking out. He had a million and one questions about Kevin Destructicon and the answers were holding his hand.

Heinz stopped in his tracks, “Those are my friends. I'm going to need to see Agent Panda, please?" Peter raised an eyebrow at that, "You know? The persona! Look, just don't do anything but be scary.”

Peter made an oh shape with his mouth and nodded briefly before solidifying his expression.

“Hey guys!!” Doofenshmirtz called and rushed over to a few scientists excitedly.

He could recognize a few of them. Namely Dr. Diminutive and Roddenstein. They were two scientists under the admiral’s jurisdiction. Gnu and Cat were their nemeses if he remembered correctly. Diminutive did his best to hide his smile as he waved towards them while Rodney seemed to be sizing him up. These people weren't ordinary criminals. In the Agency's eyes, they were super villains. Peter squeezed Heinz’s hand nervously, somehow finding solace in the man he was putting in jeopardy.

Doofenshmirtz squeezed his hand back immediately and held it tighter. Staring down at his hand, Peter felt his stomach curl. Heinz was nervous. More nervous than he had let on and, now that he paid more attention, he could feel him gently shaking. Peter could feel fire light inside him. If anything ever happened to him, he would never forgive the person who did it. Agent Panda glanced down at his name tag. He felt more like muscle already.

Roddenstein walked up to the two of them before they could make it to the group. He spoke with a thick Eastern European accent that Peter couldn't quite place.

“Hello, Doofenshmirtz.” He said, nose pointed high in an effort to look intimidating. Heinz apparently bought into it as he clutched Peter’s hand.

“Oh, hello Rodney.” He responded sounding almost displeased.

Peter could feel a twinge of pride inside that Heinz could be convincing when he needed to be. Although pride in someone else isn't usually something you experience when you've just met them yesterday. Decidedly, Doofenshmirtz was different than any other person he had met before. He cared about him in a way that was not solely romantic, and at the moment he wasn't sure it was romantic it all. He needed to make sure that, above anything else, he was going to be okay. Peter had never wanted so much to see someone besides himself happy. Rodney stepped past Doofenshmirtz and tapped Peter in the sternum hard.

Smiling dripping malice, Rodney said, “Who is your wall of meat?”

Peter snarled down at Rodney, forcing the man to step back. “Easy there.” Doofenshmirtz said theatrically and patted Peter’s chest. “I had some extra money on my alimony this month so I decided to seek out muscle!” He sing-songed. Peter did his best to hide a smirk.

Roddenstein eyed him up and down a few times skeptically. Was he attempting to size him up? Or worse, could he see right through his disguise? It was all he could do not to clench his fists under his gaze.

Smirking up at him and shrugging, he said, “Not bad.”

Stress melted off his shoulders. They somehow actually bought his disguise. A black t-shirt, yesterday's pants, and a name tag that said MUSCLE in black sharpie was all it took to convince these scientists. How trusting. Doctor Diminutive jumped up a few times to get Peter’s attention, “Carry me! Mr. Muscles!”

Peter blinked a few times and looked over to Heinz who nodded excitedly. Bending over slightly, Peter picked up Doctor Diminutive with both hands and put him on his shoulders effortlessly.

Diminutive kicked lightly but excitedly, “I'm the tallest now!” He laughed proudly and Peter rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe it, evil scientists were grown children.

“No fair! You must carry me too!” Rodney demanded. Peter couldn't hide his smile as he scooped Rodney up with one arm and held him up as well. Giggling nervously, Rodney let out a monotone ‘woo-hoo.’

Peter looked over to Heinz who was doing his best not to laugh. Mischief over taking him, Peter walked over to Heinz and picked him up with his other free arm. Doofenshmirtz shouted in surprise before laughing. Carefully balancing the three scientists, Peter slowly started walking. All three yelling loudly when he did so making him laugh quietly. He could do this. Peter glanced over to Heinz, if all the evil scientists were like these three O.W.C.A. ought to promote him.

* * *

Peter felt a tap on his shoulder and he prepared an apologetic look for Perry. When he looked over at Perry, he was pointing to his ears. Nodding slowly, a little nervous as to why they were including him in the conversation, Peter reached for his aids. He slid them back into his ears and snapped a few times until he could fully hear the sharp noise.

Peter looked back at Perry and began to sign, _Sorry._ Perry rolled his eyes at Peter and jerked his thumb over to his bed. Peter stared at Perry for a long moment before signing, _You could take me to dinner first._

Perry gave Peter a flat, unimpressed look and jerked his head towards the bed again. Perry was clearly not in the mood for jokes. The usual pouty brat in Perry seemed to have died down a little since Heinz yelled at him. In an effort to make their interaction less like pulling teeth, Peter stood up and walked over to the bed. He could be compliant. The more Peter had to look at Perry the more he could feel his loathing for him. He wasn’t dramatic, or at least he’d never admit he was. But damn did Perry bring out the worst in him. At least he was fucking _trying._ Peter walked around the queen sized bed and sat next to Perry in front of his computer.

Doofenshmirtz smiled at Peter, “Thank you for waiting.” He sing songed in the familiar way that made Peter’s mood immediately lighten. Heinz looked between the two of them and said, “So, Perry has told me about a Doctor Snow.” Peter nodded and Doofenshmirtz laughed, “Yeah no. I’m pretty sure Omar Snow is dead!”

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter so thank you so so so much for reading this!!! If you liked it be sure to kudos and hey maybe leave me some words of encouragement! I really appreciate them!! 
> 
> Next chapter is much more eventful I SWEAR IT IS!!! I really, honestly, used this chapter as an excuse to write Doctor Diminutive he is my son and I love him. In all seriousness I really liked this idea my beta from WAWA(What a Wonderful Animosity) and Ground Rules helped me come up with so I decided to add that little flashback. 
> 
> Peter really cares about his best friend and really hates our favorite Aboriginal Australian lol 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading!!! If you liked this chapter be sure to kudos and leave me a comment!!! I'll see you all next Tuesday!!! Today is actually Candace's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday Candace Flynn!!!!!!


	10. Self Destruct Button

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets mad!!!!!

Peter and Perry stared at the screen dumbfounded and signed at the same time, _Dead?_ The two men looked at each other defensively and Heinz laughed.

“That was cute.” Peter gave Heinz a flat look and he cleared his throat. “Anyway-anyway! Omar was super old the last time I saw him it wouldn't surprise me if he were dead.” Peter grabbed onto the fabric of his shirt and took a deep breath.

Laughing quietly, Peter watched as Perry signed, _So you don’t know he’s dead._

Doofenshmirtz shrugged, “No. But if he’s alive he’s got to be in his mid 80’s.”

Peter looked up at him and began to sign something when Perry signed, _How well do know Snow?_

Peter snapped to get Perry’s attention, _He’s about twice his age. Why would Heinz know him?_

Doofenshmirtz nodded and pointed at Peter, “He’s right. I didn’t know Omar well at all besides the off awkward Christmas party conversation.”

Perry nodded slowly at Heinz, not even glancing at Peter. Was he ignoring him? He supposed he probably deserved a little bit of the silent treatment. After all Peter did lock Perry out of the hotel room and then got him in trouble. Still, Peter would like Perry to at least acknowledge he was there. Perry’s lips formed a flat line on his face and he looked at Heinz with hooded eyes. Not impressed, only vaguely interested. That was when Peter realized he wasn’t sitting next to Perry. It was Agent Platypus. Peter could feel his heart pick up the pace as something in his chest burned. He hit Heinz in Tokyo. He had hurt Doofenshmirtz so many times.

Platypus signed, _Would Kevin know him better?_

Peter could feel his heart skip a beat.

Doofenshmirtz snapped and pointed at Perry, “Definitely! You know the guy that knows everyone at the party? And they always have the newest and spiciest gossip to boot? That was always Professor Destructicon!”

He wasn’t. Peter stared at Agent Platypus expectantly. Platypus wasn’t implying what he thought he was implying. He couldn’t be. Agent Platypus was so smart. Too smart to think that Peter would allow him to put Heinz in that much danger.

Platypus signed, _Anyway you could contact him?_

Heinz made a face to show that he was thinking hard. “I guess I could try to call? See if anyone would let me talk to him? Or I could drive down to the O.W.C.A. prison myself. Never really been there before! I hear they have a frozen yogurt machine!!” They would arrest him.

Peter could feel panic settle in as Platypus nodded. Doofenshmirtz could be arrested if he went to O.W.C.A.traz. Worse yet, he didn’t even know the name of the prison. If Heinz went there, with as many reasons to be arrested as he had, they would detain him. Peter wouldn’t be able to get him out of there. Peter would try. He would try and try to get Doofenshmirtz out. Peter would try until suspicions grew and then he would be forced to stop. Villains who went there didn’t come back out until their time was served. It was a self destruct button.

Turning all his attention to Doofenshmirtz, he signed, _Don’t you dare go to that prison._ Heinz’s expression weakened and Perry finally looked at him. _Heinz, something bad could happen if you go there. Something Perry and I won’t be able to undo._

_Could is the operative word. Heinz, going there could provide some intel we need for this mission. Especially since, and I love you when I say this, you know absolutely nothing about what I need to know._ Perry was quick to cut him off.

Peter pleaded to Doofenshmirtz with his eyes, _I can’t protect you. Please promise me you won’t go to the prison._

Slack jawed for a moment, Heinz looked at Perry, “I’ll find another way to contact Kevin.” Platypus’ expression was somewhere between annoyed and livid. “Peter, I promise.”

Relief hit him like a wave hearing Doofenshmirtz say that. He could feel the daggers from Perry’s gaze but it didn’t matter to him so long as Heinz was safe. How could even Agent Platypus put the mission ahead of his boyfriend’s safety. The more Peter avoided looking at Perry the more he could feel that Platypus had some words for him.

Peter signed, _I’ll text you later?_

Doofenshmirtz smiled and nodded, “Of course! I’ve still got blueprinting to do for when you get back!! Think about this, an other dimension-inator!” He held his hands up like he was announcing a headliner.

Peter smiled and nodded, doing his best to look impressed before Perry ended the call. Shooting Perry a look, Peter slowly closed his computer.

_What?_

Peter stood up with his computer in hand. He was so tired of the melodrama today.

Perry glared at him as he walked away, _He would have been fine._

He dropped his computer on his bed, _You don’t know that!_ Peter scowled as he signed. Was Perry really mad at him for protecting his for him boyfriend?

Perry gave him a dull look, _I have faith in him, something you seem to lack._

_He trusts me. He trusts you too. He’d do anything we asked and forget self preservation. Doofenshmirtz could be detained._ He could feel his ears heating up in rage.

Perry rolled his eyes, _He’d be aiding the mission._

Peter laughed loudly and signed, _Then let’s call your host family and ask them if they could send over your rocket car! Just put in the coordinates and it will do the rest! That would aid the mission._ Perry gave him a mortified look, _Or would that put them in too much jeopardy?_

_That’s,_ Perry stared at Peter from across the room. He knew he was right. _different._ Perry finally finished after a few seconds.

Peter scoffed, _They could be fine. Plenty of Agents tell their families in spite of the rules. You think your fellow robot friend Eagle’s husband is supposed to know she’s a secret agent? Better yet, you think she’d ever put her husband in as much danger as you almost put Heinz in?_ Peter stared at Perry expectantly but got nothing in response. _Now I’m going to go, and get my own intel. Like a good Agent. I’ll be back._

Perry looked a little surprised when Peter signed that. Peter was quick to get his notepad and pen out of his bag. Peter smoothed his gelled hair before walking out of the hotel room. Slamming the door behind him, Peter leaned against it for a moment. Had he really just done that? Peter covered his mouth so Perry couldn’t hear him directly outside the door. He was supposed to be the composed one out of the two. Stepping away from the door and starting down the hall, Peter laughed pitifully. He was supposed to be Agent Panda. Peter clicked the down button for the elevator three times impatiently before it came. The doors to the empty elevator opened slowly.

He slid inside and hit the close door button before choosing a floor. Peter moved his glasses so he could cover his face and groan loudly. Now he was the toddler.

“Fack!” Peter vocalized and immediately silenced himself.

Peter hated his voice when he tried to speak. Things like yes and hi were easy enough to say, but he’d be damned if he ever spoke to a stranger. It was one of two things he considered himself to be insecure about. Doofenshmirtz loved it when Peter would talk. Doofenshmirtz loved his skin. Peter stared at his hands, white blotches on each of them. Throwing his head back onto the metal wall of the elevator, Peter began to straighten himself out. He shouldn’t have gotten mad at Perry. He should have let him have the last word and ignored him. The elevator stopped again at the second floor and Peter quickly composed himself.

About six or seven women squeezed into the elevator with him and had him up against the wall. The women giggled and and talked amongst themselves like Peter wasn’t there, which at the moment he prefered. Especially after throwing his embarrassing tantrum with Perry. They were all middle aged, some older and two were wearing cross necklaces. A church group? He nodded to himself, he could see some kind of religious retreat for women only. One woman grabbed her side laughing and backed up directly onto to Peter’s foot. He repressed a pained sound as he quickly turned around. She was Pakistani, maybe in her late 40’s. She stared at his chest for a long moment before looking up. That made Peter laugh. She must not have expected him to be as tall as he is.

“I am so sorry, sir.” She said, clearly a little afraid to move so she didn’t accidentally touch him again.

A clutz. That would explain the timidness in her voice and her nerves about touching a stranger. She’s that kind of woman that drops the glass in a silent reception hall. Peter shrugged and signed an apology. The woman gave him a delicate, confused look before repeating the gesture.

_The ducks followed their mother across the street._ Peter signed, knowing full well she wouldn’t be able to understand him.

“Oh!!” She said nervously, waving her hands through the air, “No, sorry sir! I don’t- I can’t-” Peter smiled and nodded before pulling out a notepad and waving it. The woman looked immediately relieved to see it and nodded, “Yes please.” He opened up to the first page and showed it to her. “Peter? Nice to meet you! The ladies and I-” the elevator erupted with loud ‘heys’ “-we’re going to the country club around here. Want to come?” Smiling, Peter shrugged before nodding. The women in the elevator ‘woo’-ed loudly as the elevator came to floor one.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this chapter!!! If you liked it be sure to leave me a comment and kudos!!! And hey if you like this fic feel free to check out the rest of the series!!! Until next week! Ta!


	11. Better Panda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets back to the hotel room with some intel. Like a good agent.

After swiping his keycard in the door of their hotel room, Peter walked inside. It was a little past 11 at night now, and if Perry was asleep he didn’t want to wake him to fight more. He stopped a few steps in the doorway to see Perry holding a note with tape on the top. Perry’s bright toffee colored eyes filled with relief as he slowly crumpled the note in his fist. Smiling, Peter walked over to Perry and pointed at the note.

He put his hand holding the note behind his back and puffed out his chest embarrassedly. Peter smirked and attempted to look over him.

Cautiously, he signed, _Did you... write me a note?_ Perry’s face flushed bright red and he jerked away from Peter. Peter’s smile spread across his face excitedly, _You did!! What happened to--_

Perry pivoted on one foot and pulled the piece of paper close to his chest. Smirking, Peter slowly advanced towards him. He pushed him onto the bed and lunged for the note. Perry kicked at Peter reflexively, making the larger man laugh. Managing to get his hand on a corner on the note, Peter made sure to move his hand with Perry’s so he wouldn't rip it. Peter kneed him as gently as he was able and Perry loosened his grip on the note.

Snatching the note from Perry’s hand, Peter quickly rolled off the bed and onto the floor. He laughed loud and triumphantly before quickly getting to his feet. Agent Platypus lunged at him, his face red with embarrassment. Whatever he had written on the note, he didn't want Peter to see. That made Peter _desperate_ to see.

Peter laughed in Perry’s face and stood on his tiptoes to keep the note away from him. Perry pleaded with his eyes in a way that was meant to make Peter feel bad. Decidedly, he did not feel bad. Slowly beginning to back away from Perry, Peter carefully attempted to open the note.

Perry punched him in the chest as hard as he could. Taking a step back and grabbing his chest, Peter chuckled and turned his back to Perry as he attempted to open the note again. Perry punched at his back as Peter looked at the words on the paper.

> **Sry 4 being a dick but ur kind of an ass sometimes**
> 
> **U’ve been gone like 5 hrs & I’m getting worried**
> 
> **If ur reading this I went looking for you asshat**
> 
> **Pls text. Am very worried. If ur not safe i swear ill kick ur ass.**
> 
> **\- Platts.**

Perry kicked at the back of Peter’s knee, making him fall forward. Agent Panda caught the wall before he fell and waved the note to Perry. He stared at him in horror and snatched the note back.

Peter chuckled and signed, _What happened to ‘notes are ableist’ and if you were going to write one I would be dying._

The Australian’s face was bright red with embarrassment as he signed, _For all I knew you were dying!_

Peter covered his eyes as he laughed at Perry’s expense. He could hear Perry stomping his foot a few times to get his attention, but he let himself laugh a little longer. Peter eventually lifted his hand to look at Perry.

Slowly, Perry signed, _Where did you go?_

Grinning, Peter held up a tiny plastic card and gave it to Perry. _We’re members at the country club now._

Perry raised an eyebrow at Peter who twirled his index finger in the air. Agent Platypus flipped the card over and quickly skimmed it. He looked up at Peter, toffee eyes wide and mouth agape.

Laughing, Peter signed, _You’ll catch flies that way._

The membership to the country club itself was plain but not cheap. The Agency would reimburse Peter the cash though. It had his name, **Peter Xiang** , the number of guests he could bring and his membership number. On the back however, was all the intel he needed. There was a detailed list of events that would take place at the country club. Including not one, but two events titled ‘So Long and Happy Retirement Omar.’

Perry smiled up at Peter and reread it a few times. _One of these events is for tomorrow._

Panda nodded and pointed at the card again before signing, _See if Heinz has any new info tomorrow and then we go to the party._ Perry lifted his hands to sign something and Peter said, “Na.” The Australian man’s posture corrected and he went stiff. Peter looked down at Perry and signed, _I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have let myself get so angry, but you shouldn’t apologize to me._

Perry’s face solidified and Peter could feel something ignite. Agent Platypus. By the look on his face, he knew exactly what Peter meant but wouldn’t act upon it. Jerking a thumb over to his bed he waited for Perry’s okay. Perry glanced over to the digital clock that said 11:21 on it’s face. He nodded at Peter before walking over to his bed.

* * *

Perry’s pajamas for the first night consisted of yellow pajama pants with tiny fedoras printed on them. By the time he had exited the bathroom with yesterday’s clothes in hand, Peter was stripped down to his black boxers. He typed away on his phone to, if he had to guess, Heinz. Perry had never seen Peter without something covering most of his skin. The off color patches of his skin were most visible on his legs and chest but were offset by his thick, black body hair.

There was a large area of paler skin on his hand and just below his collarbone. The tiny islands of white that peppered his skin weren’t necessarily ugly. Seeing them made Perry wonder if he were really as self conscious about it as Doofenshmirtz would have him believe. Peter glanced over at Perry and then eyed him up and down. Perry, fully aware he had been caught staring, sat down on his own bed and looked away. After another minute of tense silence Peter snapped a few times. Perry looked at him expectantly but Peter just looked at him.

Biting his bottom lip he eventually signed, _I just.. Please don’t.._ Peter stopped himself and took a deep breath. Was he reassuring himself? He couldn’t look at Perry as he signed, _Don’t stare at me, please._

Perry blinked and nodded once before signing, _Sorry. Didn’t mean to._

Peter nodded, looking a little sheepish, before going back to typing on his phone. Flicking the light switch off, Perry flipped onto his side in the darkness of the room so he didn’t have to see the light from Peter’s phone. Peter. He looked actually hurt and profoundly uncomfortable. In all his time demonizing Peter in his head he had assumed his ‘insecurity’ had just been Heinz filling in blanks.

Either that or attempting to make him relatable. Perry clenched the sheets and breathed frustratedly through his nose. He knew how badly he had already mucked things up with Peter and this mission and now he managed to make Peter upset with the actual one thing he was insecure about. Perfect. Perry closed his eyes, he’d have to apologize to him tomorrow.

* * *

Perry stirred awake early in the morning and groaned silently. He turned over and saw Peter across the room in his bed fast asleep and snoring quietly. Perry reached over, grabbed the digital clock in the room and silently whined. It was a little past 6 in the morning. Too early for him to want to be awake but too late for him to go back to sleep.

He blamed the boys.

The boys usually came downstairs and woke him up at six to get ready. They all brushed their teeth and got ready in his bathroom in the basement. He didn't mean to sound like Heinz as he said this, but curse them.

Perry groped at his sheets for his phone until he found it. He picked it up and unlocked it before typing out a text. **Pls tell me ur up** Sending it to Doofenshmirtz, Perry put his phone of his chest so he wouldn’t miss the text but also feel the vibration and not wake Peter. The buzz resonated in his chest and he turned defensively to see Peter. He was still asleep.

**Hr time dif, its 7 here**

Perry smirked and typed, **I love you**

After another minute Doofenshmirtz shot him another reply, **O god wat did u do 2 peter**

Perry pouted at the phone and typed, **Y cant i just love u >:(** He knew it wasn’t very convincing, but it did concern him that saying I love you meant he had done something wrong. Especially since they had only been together a few months now. He’d have to try to be more romantic, if just out of spite. Perry then typed, **I think I made him upset tbh**

Heinz replied a little quicker to that **Not a lot gets under Peter’s skin wat did u do** Perry cringed at that.

**Dont b mad**

**O good golly** Perry covered his eyes and groaned silently. As he went to type his message, another message came in from Heinz, **I hv to take Vanessa home. Watever u did just apologize 2 him hes a person 2 -ttyl**

Perry looked over at Peter sleeping and took a deep breath. He’d let Panda sleep for a few more hours. Staring up at the ceiling he cursed himself, why did he have to be such a jealous asshole. _Fuck!_ Perry attempted to vocalize but barely a clicking noise came out of his mouth. At least the sentiment was there. Absent mindedly, Perry traced the almost completely faded scar above his collar bone. Perry would try to give the mission a fresh start tomorrow. He just hoped he didn’t get the better of himself.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!! If you liked this a comment would really make my day!!! Also be sure to kudos if you haven't. 
> 
> I AM AWARE IT IS 12:12 IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING BUT I MOST CERTAINLY AM POSTING IT BECAUSE MIDNIGHT MEANS TOMORROW MEANS TUESDAY. SO SHUT UP.
> 
> We switched back to Perry POV and I promise you all next chapter is very eventful. I just needed this bridge into major fuck ups first!!! Mean Perry making Peter self concious!! I guess that makes Peter???? A real person???? Wow?????
> 
> Peter has a bunch of middle aged lady friends at the country club he can complain to so that's nice!!! 
> 
> As always my pals I hope hope hope you all liked this chapter!!! Be sure to leave me a nice comment and kudos if you haven't!!! Love you all and see you next Tuesday! Which today is. Tuesday. 12:16 IS TOMORROW IDC WHAT YOU SAY


	12. Miss Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Perry go to the first event for Omar Snow's retirement.
> 
> This chapter is looooooooooong I hope you like it!!!

Perry had waited for Peter to get up as patiently as he was able. From six to seven. Seven to Eight. Eight to nine. Now it was almost ten and Perry was more than a little tired of waiting. He had gotten dressed in a pair of dark jeans, an orange long sleeved undershirt and a teal over shirt. If nothing else he was dedicated to his aesthetic. Perry lifted his hands up, knowing fully well that this would not help his case, and clapped his hands as loudly as he could once. Peter didn't even stir. Repeating the gesture a few times, clapping and some more gentle snaps, he knew Peter was just blatantly ignoring the need to get up.

He grabbed a pillow sitting next to him on the bed and chucked it at Peter’s head. Peter shot up from where he was just sleeping and held his fists up to his chest, eyes squinted in the remaining exhaustion. Peter blinked at Perry a few times before he lowered his fists from his chest. He gently patted the nightstand for his glasses before finding them and putting them on his face.

Sleepily, Peter signed, _Why?_

Perry did his best not to smirk as he signed, _You were ignoring me and it’s past nine._

Peter licked his hand and ran it through his hair in an early attempt to neaten it. He quirked an eyebrow at Perry, _Ignored you?_

Perry nodded, _Not a good start to my apology but I tried to wake you with clapping first, rude ass._

Face pinching in frustrating, Peter held up a hand expectantly. Perry gave him a blank stare before Peter signed, _I’m deaf?_

Blinking once, Perry’s mind spun. Peter picked up the white case with his aids inside and wiggled it. He was deaf. Perry put a hand over his mouth. Holy shit, he sure was deaf. He hadn’t even thought about it. Peter looked Perry up and down as he put in one hearing aid.

 _Wait._ Peter giggled quiet giggles that soon became full out laughing, _You actually forgot I was DEAF?_

Perry signed, _I’m such a fucking idiot._

Laughter turning slightly condescending, Peter signed, _No, no, it’s totally normal to forget someone is deaf._

His face flushed red in frustration and he signed, _Shut up!_ and Peter began to howl laughing.

* * *

**U forgot he was deaf?!**

Perry silently groaned next to Peter in the car later that night. Of course he told Heinz. Peter laughed a little helplessly, doing his best to contain them. It was almost 7:00 at night now and the two had managed to get a cab to the country club for the event tonight. Though they were probably a little too well dressed for a cab. Perry was in his teal pinstripe shirt and navy slacks and Peter was in his full suit.

Peter signed, _Best friends stick together_ He could barely complete the sign without snorting a laugh.

 _For the millionth time, I am sorry._ Peter busted out laughing again and covered his mouth.

Perry could almost feel steam coming out of his ears. Trying to be friendly with Peter was proving to be more difficult than he thought. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to apologize for staring at him or _anything_ else because of this morning’s incident. Perry let his face fall into his hands and made a muffled clicking sound. He could feel Peter’s big hand on his back and didn’t have the energy to move it. Another moment passed and Perry’s light brown eyes shot open. He could be utilizing right now to apologize.

Turning to look at Peter, Perry signed, _About yesterday?_ The smile on Peter’s face was gone and replaced by a thin line. Perry cringed, _About the whole mission... I haven’t been the most-_

“Here!” The driver called back.

Perry gave Peter a defeated look that Peter returned with a smile, _Tell me later?_

Smiling and nodding, Perry opened up his side door and tipped the taxi driver. Peter closed his side door and waited for Perry to walk around the cab. Once he had, Peter pointed up at the country club with plenty of well dressed individuals entering the building.

Once the two made it into the building, Peter had cleared it with Perry that they split up. Peter felt at ease inside of the, now familiar, country club and waved at the group of church women that had brought him yesterday. He pointed at Perry excitedly as if to say, ‘This is the guy!’ before checking himself in at the front desk. Poor Perry. Peter had told the women yesterday that he was his fiancee. Once they had scanned his card, he walked into the party. Though he hit it off with them, Peter found himself avoiding the church women. Perry could take one for the team while he got a bit more intel. He made his way over to a bar that was set up and pulled out his notepad and pen.

The woman at the bar turned around to look at him and smiled brightly. She was wearing a pastel blue dress that cut off just after her knees, complimenting her dark skin. Her long braids were held up in a ponytail on her head. “What a coincidence, eh? Remember me?”

Peter looked her up and down and shook his head sheepishly. She smiled and made the sign for ‘A’ and tapped it against her head twice, signing, _Asshole._ Peter could feel a grin stretch across his face and he nodded. It was their waitress. J-something. Jane-Jessie-Jessalyn!

She laughed, “Ya’ still never told me what that meant.” Peter put a hand over his face and laughed quietly. He quickly composed himself and took a seat at the bar. Jessalyn leaned against the counter, “I so don’t want to be working the bar, but I’ll take money where I can get it, eh?”

Peter nodded and flipped through a few pages in his notebook to find, **Smart.**

Her expression brightened further thanks to Peter stroking her ego, “It is, isn’t it.” Jessalyn turned around, “What’s your poison, eh?” Peter pointed to a bottle of cinnamon whiskey and she eyed him, “So how did you know Omar? You one of his baking buddies?” She reached up for the bottle and Peter quickly wrote in his notebook.

By the time Jessalyn had turned back around, Peter had written, **Only ever heard of him. Nvr met him.**

She smiled and nodded, “Yeah, I think I met him once before. Shook my hand at the grand opening of a bakery.” Jessalyn eyed him expectantly as she gave him his drink. Smile still friendly, Peter gave her a inquisitive look. Jessalyn nodded to the glass, “Drink up big boy. You look like you’re still having trouble with your friend.” Peter gave her a meek look before taking one big swig of his cinnamon whiskey. The spice and alcohol pleasantly stung on it’s way down his throat.

Flipping through his notebook, Peter showed her a note that said, **Fiancé.** Did he have to commit to the lie? No. Would he be? Yes.

Jessalyn stared at him blankly, “Didn’t see a ring on his finger.”

Peter cringed and flipped to another page to write, **How bad we’re fighting. Took our rings and put them in the garbage disposal.**

“That’s so many kinds of fucked up.” She sympathized and he nodded sadly.

He turned the note towards her and wrote an angled, **SO dramatic & SO loud**

Jessalyn’s face pinched slightly and she put her hands over her ears, “Oh god, I can’t even imagine.” Turning around and grabbing the bottle again- “Here-” she poured him another glass- “on me,” He gave Jessalyn a grateful look and drank the contents of the glass. “Don’t drink too much. Omar is doing meet and greets tonight, do you want to look like a mess for Doctor Snow?” Peter stared at her wide eyed and could feel an ice cube slide to the back of his throat. Wrapping a hand around his neck, he coughed the cube back into the glass and grabbed his chest. Jessalyn repressed a laugh and pointed somewhere beyond Peter, “Look, he’s over there.”

Peter turned around to see where she was pointing. Doctor Omar Snow. He was a heavy set, light skinned, African American man who was balding but had a thick grey beard. He was definitely old. Older than Destructicon and much older than Heinz. Omar was heading in Perry’s direction. Peter could feel panic settle in the back of his mind, Peter and Perry were two very different kinds of agents. Omar Snow had yet to be found guilty of anything yet. If Perry put a hand on Omar, it would mean an end to their mission and that Snow would walk. Peter knew Perry was one of O.W.C.A.’s best, but Peter knew Perry was hot headed. If Perry made the wrong gesture not only would it make Peter’s job that much harder, but it could blow their cover. Peter knew one other thing. Peter knew he didn’t trust Perry.

* * *

Perry awkwardly attempted to keep his head above water in a conversation with one of Peter’s church retreat acquaintances. Apparently, Xiang had let on that they were fiancés, he'd deal with that later. He exchanged a few brief nods and thumbs up, but somehow was still remaining conversational. These women could talk about themselves and their church for days if given the time. He still had absolutely no idea what their faith was.

One middle eastern woman walked up to Perry excitedly and sing songed, “Come with me.” Humoring her with a smile, Perry allowed himself to be pulled along by her. She turned to him and said, “Yeah, smile just like that! You’ll do great!!”

He shrugged in an attempt to be pleasant while she continued to tug him along. Suddenly stopping, Perry was careful not to bump into the skinnier woman. She looked up at an older man. Refined in even his posture, and outwardly charming. She gave the man the biggest hug she could manage, her small arms not wrapping completely around his large figure. He laughed in a low octave that shook his stomach.

“Always a pleasure, my dear.” The man looked past her and at Perry, “Who is this?”

Perry continued to be outwardly pleasant as his brain turned on autopilot. The woman laughed awkwardly, “Oh I’m sorry. Perry, this is Omar. Omar, this is Perry Xiang!” Peter had told people that he had taken his last name? Charming. Perry could feel his expression slip briefly. Omar Snow. Doctor Snow. Doctor Omar Snow. Feeling his muscles tense, he was suddenly very aware the perp was directly in front of him.

Omar extended a hand out to Perry, “Nice to meet you, sir.”

He was showing all his teeth in a big crooked smile with noticeable dimples. The man had a scar that dragged across his top and bottom lip. Agent Platypus mentally kicked Perry and he shook Omar’s hand firmly. This was actually _Omar Snow._

_Omar looked great for 80 something. Happy, and like he earned wearing a Hawaiian shirt and relaxing at home. Snow even seemed like the kind of man that would invest in a rocking chair._

__

Still, it wasn’t uncommon for a villain such as Snow to want to go out with a bang and a retirement from a baking franchise wasn't exactly a promise to end tinkering. Platypus stared at Omar. He had fled the country. Perry smirked, he could stop the mission in its tracks if he arrested him now. There would be huge risk involved, seeing as Omar had yet to commit a crime, but if they were lucky they could bag him on an older endeavor. Reaching around himself to grab the cuffs tucked in the back of his slacks, Perry’s hand was suddenly caught against someone else’s body. He jerked in surprise and looked up to see Peter leaning on him. Peter wrapped a hand around Perry’s waist and extended the other out to Omar.

__

Snow's eyes lit up with stars as he shook Peter's large hand. “I tried to help you with your sneak hug.” Doctor Snow laughed a charming chortle.

__

Perry lowered his eyes and moved his hand away from Peter’s stomach. Peter reached back and then gave Omar his notepad. Omar read over the page that clearly had a substantial amount of text on it. “Oh!” He gave them both a caring smile, “That make more sense, I’m sorry if I came on strong.”

__

Peter shook his head and waved the air. Came on strong? All Snow did was greet them. Perry’s eyes went wide when he realized what Peter was attempting to do. Omar was afraid he was overwhelming them because Peter told him they were disabled. Panda was trying to make him go away. Attempting to pull himself from Peter’s grasp, Peter held him tighter against his body. Peter wouldn’t let him arrest him. Why? Platypus pulled against Peter again but he kept him in place effortlessly. Peter’s face was as innocent as could be.

__

Omar looked between the two of them and offered a cheery, “Mazel tov!” Before walking away to greet other people.

__

Perry gave Peter a mortified look at Omar moved on. He let him go. Peter the Panda actually let their perp go. Peter looked down at Perry, frustratedly and shook his head. Perry’s mouth hung open and his eyebrows furrowed, Peter actually had the audacity to be mad at _him?!_ He wasn't the one that let the perp walk! Perry lifted his foot and dug his heel into Peter’s, making him seethe and let him go. Perry snarled at Peter and hit his chest once with his fingertips in an effort to get some answers. Shaking his head, Peter looked away from him.

__

_I thought I could trust you alone, but clearly I can’t._ Perry gasped loudly, gaining the attention of a few women from the church group. Peter gave Perry a stern look but Perry pushed his finger at Peter's chest again. _You wanted to do that right now? You could have put us in jeopardy-you could have let him walk._ Peter stopped himself and put a hand over his mouth, which earned him another scoff from Perry.

__

Perry did his best to contain a gesture as he signed, _You let him walk. I am the best in... the field. I know what I'm doing!_

__

Lowering his icy blue eyes, Peter glanced around at some of the people who were staring at them. _We’re done._

__

Perry knew there were eyes on them, but he couldn’t believe Peter actually thought he would take that insult lying down. Peter did this all the time. Everytime Perry got close to doing something. Close to liking him, close to accepting their mission together-hell-close to finishing the mission Peter would do something at riled him up. His face felt hot and he knew his hair was frizzing at the edges.

__

_I am NOT done talking about this._

__

_I am._ Came Peter’s quick reply.

__

Peter looked around at all the people who had stopped to look at them and his angry expression fell. It was replaced by something else, not angry but still upset, Peter Xiang looked vulnerable. Peter’s gaze fell to the floor as he grabbed his shoulder. Perry stared up at Peter frustratedly. He knew that Peter was mad at him and he didn’t know why. Now Peter looked uncomfortable and nervous and he still didn’t know why. He could feel anger settle in his mind at the emotionally indecisive Agent in front of him.

__

Why was he like this?

__

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter!!!! 
> 
> Geez it was a long one!!! I'm hoping to make the chapters longer like this one in the future so please let me know if this was too long? If not then I'm going to keep making these chapters nice and long!!! Peter and Perry keep getting closer but their biggest issue is mistrust in one another. Doctor Omar Snow made his first appearance this chapter!!! Yay!!! I really like Omar and I can't wait for you all to see what happens next!!! 
> 
> We are actually almost done with this one guys!!! Four to six more chapters I think is all for this one and they aren't even friends yet!!!! (next chap is super good and some real bonding happens!!!! i swear!!!)
> 
> If you liked this chapter be sure to let me know with a comment or kudos!! If you like PnF you probably like Milo Murphy's Law!! I recently started a Dakavendish fic that I think might be worth a read for you!!!! If you're not super into Murphy's Law but are into this particular fic, maybe check out the rest of my series!!
> 
> Leave me some comments and kudos and thank you again for reading! :D


	13. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight Part One!!!

The two went through the rest of the event without a word to each other. A few people came up to Peter, clearly asking if he was alright. The usually charismatic man didn’t ever reach for his notebook, only offering people friendly smiles or dusting off his shoulder. Perry could feel Peter’s eyes drilled into him even when he was talking to someone else. No matter what he did, Peter wouldn’t let him get close enough to Snow to attempt to detain him. He caught himself grinding his teeth a few times and stopped.

He stared at his dark hands and clenched his fists. Perry would not let this go. He needed to know why Peter was hovering over him and was _mad?!_ Biting his thumbnail, Perry growled silently. The moment they got back the hotel he would get answers.

* * *

Heinz buried his fingers in Perry’s teal hair. “I’m going to miss you tomorrow.” Frowning, Perry leaned into Doofenshmirtz hand and gently kissed his wrist. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” Perry bit his bottom lip and looked up at Heinz a little guilty. “So yes, go on Perry the Platypus.”

Perry shifted his shoulders on Doofenshmirtz’s bed sheets until his shoulders were up against the bed frame. Toffee eyes suddenly filled with self doubt, Perry signed, _Could it have... been him?_

Heinz laughed lightly at Perry, “Could what have been who?” Cringing, Perry gave Doofenshmirtz a pleading look. He knew Doofenshmirtz wouldn’t be able to piece it together on his own and that he’d have to actually say it.

Closing his eyes, Perry signed, _Could Peter have been the one in your bed right now?_

Heinz blinked down at Perry and sat up a little uncomfortably, he turned his head away from Perry. “Perry, I- I’m still not ready to talk about Seattle.” Perry put his hands on Heinz’s face and gave him an apologetic look. Doofenshmirtz leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

Heinz said quietly, face flushing slightly. Bright brown eyes going wide, Perry stared up at his boyfriend unsure of what to do or say. Doofenshmirtz cracked his eyes open just slightly, but quickly closed them when he saw Perry’s expression.

“You asked Perry the Platypus.” Doofenshmirtz said weakly, forcing himself to look down at Perry. Moving his hand into Heinz’s brown hair, Perry sat up a little more. Heinz took a deep breath and said, “No-no, I always weasel my way out of these kinds of questions. I mean literally, move like a weasel until the situation is avoided.”

Heinz then proceeded to wiggle on top of Perry in a way that was decidedly weasel like. Doofenshmirtz laughed before putting both hands on Perry’s chest. “Alright, so-and I’m still not ready to talk about Seattle-” Nodding, Perry stared anxiously at his boyfriend. “Peter and I were, for a little while, considering being together.” Perry did his best not to look hurt by the words.

“I know that’s not what you’d like to hear, but it’s true. For a long time after the expo-again drop it Perry the Platypus-” Though there was no chance of him actually saying anything, Perry closed his mouth and nodded- “good. Anyway, after the Expo there were more than a few moments where Peter and I could have really...” Heinz twirled his fingers and blew out a long breath. “Don’tbemad?” He squeaked through squinted eyes. “When you-hrm-when you walked in on Peter and I together he was actually...”

Doofenshmirtz put a hand over Perry’s face, earning a silent chuckle. “He was actually living... here... in... this bed?”

Perry yanked Heinz’s thinner hand off of his face and sloppily signed, _What?!_

“I said don't be mad!” Doofenshmirtz whined. Perry sat all the way up against the headboard, banging his head in the process. “Oh, honey-” Heinz offered his hands but Perry swatted him away.

Perry stared at him and signed, _So you were sleeping with him._ It wasn't a question in Perry’s mind.

“No! Perry! That is-Peter is-not sleep as in sex!” Perry gave Doofenshmirtz an unimpressed look. “Perry! I'm being serious-and by serious I mean completely serious! We never had sex together.”

 _You like to take things slow._ Perry signed assertively.

“I know, but with Peter it was different.” Heinz said quietly, “Look, you asked and I told! We weren't dating and Peter and I were-” Stopping himself, Heinz looked into Perry’s eyes- “complicated. It's not like that anymore I promise.” Doofenshmirtz grabbed Perry’s face with both hands and kissed the tip of his nose.

Quirking an eyebrow at Heinz, Perry received a pout from Doofenshmirtz. Perry laughed and nodded before signing, _Okay. Alright._

Doofenshmirtz smiled and kissed his boyfriend’s dark lips briefly. Getting caught in the warm spark of his boyfriend’s mouth, Heinz buried his fingers in Perry’s soft teal hair. A moan escaped his mouth as Perry licked his bottom lip.

Giggling against Perry’s mouth, Doofenshmirtz gaped, “No, no, no. You need to listen to me first.” He pulled away from a slightly dissapointed Perry. “Peter isn’t like you honey, he’s sensitive.” Perry gave him an angered look, “I mean that in a nice way. You’re stoic and not well spoken and Peter’s...” He cringed at Perry’s expectant look. “He’s so complicated. Please, be good to him and don’t fight!”

* * *

Peter rushed into their hotel room, unable to look at Perry directly. Following closely behind the Chinese man, Perry slammed the hotel door behind him. The door frame shook gently under the pressure. Too frustrated to bother with sensitivity, Perry clapped his hands as loudly as he could. Covering his ears, Peter quickly did his best to adjust the sensitivity of his aids. He turned to look at Perry, a little dazed from the attack on his ears.

Perry violently gestured at Peter with one hand before signing, _If it weren’t for you I could have actually arrested Snow!_ Perry signed, throwing his hands wildly as he did. _Does seeing this mission fail and making me look bad get you off?!_ He gave Peter a pained look as he just stared at him. Lips pursed in a thin line, like he had a million things to say but would never say them. _All I want to do is my job, Peter, I just want to do the mission and go home to my family, and to my boyfriend._

Peter’s face pinched when Perry mentioned Heinz, _Don’t you dare try to use MY best friend against me! We didn’t know what Omar was even doing yet! If you’d have taken your cuffs out then and there YOU would have had to answer to the Admiral! I saved your ass!! I was getting intel! I was doing my job! You wanted to put my best friend in danger just yesterday!_

Perry pushed Peter’s chest roughly, making him step back. _Why don’t you stop throwing that in my face?!_ Perry panted, face bright red. Peter’s face was tinted red with frustration that couldn’t compare to Perry’s. Agent Platypus saw red. _My best friend this, my best friend that_ He signed, mockingly.

Peter’s mouth fell ajar and his bright blue eyes caught fire, _Excuse me?_

 _You like to pretend you’re his best friend! My poor Heinz is so damn gullible._ Perry sighed exasperatedly and pointed at Peter, _He doesn’t know you like I know you._

Peter breathed a laugh, _You know me?_

Perry could feel a smile form on his face, wide and full of loathing. _I know your history with relationships. I know exactly the kind of man you are, you let men and women get attached to you and even start loving you. Then one morning you leave. Peter Xiang doesn’t lose a wink of sleep! He only takes care of himself._ Perry jammed his index finger into Peter’s chest. _I know you tried to do that to Heinz._

Peter swatted his hand away, _You. Don’t. Know. Anything._

Perry was getting to him. He smiled victoriously, he was getting to Peter! _You don’t care if Heinz is safe or how he’s feeling. His social life means less than nothing to you!_ Perry took one big stride forward and left less than a foot of space between him and Peter. _The only reason you even went this far, call him your best friend, is because you’re not over him!_

Pushing Peter into the door, Peter felt lighter under his hands than he thought. Peter fell into the door of the hotel room and didn’t move. His smile didn’t leave his face as he panted quietly. Peter just leaned there. He didn’t look up at Perry, didn’t make a move to raise his hands. He just stood there, back against the door. The Australian man stared at Peter for a long moment as he didn’t move. He looked like a corpse against the door. Unable to move on his own. Peter slowly lifted his head like it weighed a ton. Normally bright blue eyes were dark and his expression was frigid. He straightened his posture and tilted his head at Perry.

Peter took a slow step towards Perry, _I’m not... over him?_

Staring up at Peter, Perry suddenly felt less victorious. Again, Peter changed in front of him. Perry hadn’t even had a chance to blink when Peter did so. He was so angry. Not just angry, Peter looked like he was ready to burst. Though the hotel room had previously felt like more than enough space for the both of them, Perry could suddenly feel the walls creeping up on him.

 _I’m not over him?_ Peter’s teeth were bared and grinding together as he did his best to repress a snarl. _I am sorry,_ Peter patted his own chest a little too violently to be considered passive aggressive. Physically feeling the air get thicker, Perry tried his hardest not to hold his breath. _I am sorry that I have done something to hurt you. The Expo was in May. It was a mistake._ Giving Perry a pleading look, Peter hoped would convey what he was trying to say. Peter's face and ears were going red and he became more visually uncomfortable.

Seeing an opening in his defenses, Perry glowered at him, _The Evil Expo isn’t what this is about-_

“Dun leh!” Peter shouted at Perry.

Agent Platypus froze hearing his voice again. Balancing on one foot, Perry's left leaned into his bed to keep his uncertain footing. He had the pleasure of hearing Peter talk a few times during the first two days of this mission. His voice was deep and often times intimidating. Now his voice was filled with something darker, something Perry had never encountered from Peter. Anger. Real tangible rage and though he’d experienced Peter being upset, this anger was a completely different animal.

Peter shuddered while taking a deep breath. _I know Heinz so well, I love him so much!_ When Peter took a step forward Perry jutted back nervously. Peter stopped himself from walking any closer to Perry as he leaned forward. Agent Platypus surfaced briefly to tell him that Peter's posture, was desperate. _He is my best friend and, what is so shit about what you just said to me is, that he told me to play nice with you. And I am trying! I am better than fucking trying but I am done now._

Peter lifted his hands higher than chest level and something cold ran down Perry’s back not unlike fear. But he couldn’t be scared. It was just Peter. Peter the Panda who refused red band training four times and will not carry a weapon. He wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it committed a serious crime.

Eyes wet, Peter continued to sign, _You know I don’t like you but you push and push and suddenly I’m not over your boyfriend. Well I have news for you Platts, the reason I don’t like you isn’t because you’re dating Heinz._ When Peter stepped forward this time Perry didn't move, his skin breaking out in goosebumps. Peter glowered at him, signs sharp, _It's because you don’t deserve him._

__

Peter folded his arms and stared at Perry patiently. Like he wanted him to say something and prove him wrong. Swallowing the lump he didn't know was in his throat, Perry solidified his expression. Slowly he signed, _You’re wrong._ Panda gave him an unimpressed look and kept giving him that same expectant stare. _I love him._

 _You love him?_ Peter rolled his eyes and signed, _What’s his favorite color?_ He frowned, realizing he didn’t know. Perry could feel his resolve wear thin as he remembered that Heinz had asked him his. Why couldn't he think of his? _Purple. How long has it been since he smoked?_ He, again, didn’t know. _Two months, going on three. When did he lose his left arm?_

Perry shook his head, _Stop._ Something felt like someone was dissecting him. Agent Panda knew exactly what to say and how to say it to hurt him.

 _Childhood. He had stopped celebrating birthdays by then but he assumes he was six._ Peter shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. _He trusts you. Heinz trusted you and you beat him in Tokyo in front of his daughter._

* * *

**Everything was happening so fast, Heinz was unsure how to react when he felt Agent P forcefully kicked at his ankles. A sharp pain shot through his legs. He... wasn’t holding back. Doofenshmirtz’s skinny body hit the metal floor and he could hear Vanessa gasp.**

**Vanessa.**

* * *

Perry gave Peter a pitiful look hoping he would stop. Just stop. Peter pushed Perry's chest and he fell back slightly. Panda continued with no signs of slowing, _Vanessa was so distraught and distracted that she got hit by a water balloon and almost died. Heinz texts me, crying,_

* * *

**His heart throbbed in his chest when he could see Heinz’s slightly pink eyes. Major probably wouldn’t notice it. Only someone who spent as much time with him as Perry had could. He was trying not to cry.**

* * *

_a mess, he’s begging me for anything that would make it make sense that you would do that to him. All he asked you for was a little bit of space and you pinned him up against a building in Paris._

* * *

**Perry quickly signed, _I’m sorry! I had to-_ before he could finish signing however, Heinz’s pale hand came swiftly across his face. The smack surprised him enough that he fell into the wall across from where he pinned Doofenshmirtz.**

**“Get off me!!” Doofenshmirtz yelled as Perry held onto his face. “Don’t-” Heinz quickly snatched the tablet off the ground while he panted heavily. He closed his eyes tightly before saying- “Don’t fucking touch me.”**

* * *

Peter panted and ran a hand down his face, some of his makeup parting with it. _But I’m the evil ex-not-boyfriend who wants to ruin the mission he was assigned and agreed to do with you._

 _I didn’t-_ Perry coughed into one hand, coming out more as a dry heave, _I never called you evil._

Peter laughed and wiped his eyes, _I must be, right? You hate me for no reason except that I care about my best friend. It's bullshit._ Running a hand through his hair, Peter continued, _But I'm not over him. I just want to get in his pants and break his heart. Despite all I've done for him, the mission and even you._

Peter jammed a finger into his chest the way Perry had done to him only a few minutes ago. Blue eyes dark and full of rage, Peter wanted Perry to retort. Rake him over the coals, or just say something. Perry stared up at Peter, mouth dry, as he tried to figure out how to respond to him.

He was petrified and for the first time since Tokyo Perry was caught not knowing what to do.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW GUYS!!! WOW!!! This fight picked up fast between these two!!!
> 
> They're gonna make up next chapter I promise! Some of you have given me lovely suggestions through here and tumblr for their make up and I will be sure to credit the ones that get used. (please know that if you intend to send me suggestions or requests from now on you will have to be my mutual on tumblr. no exceptions. i have been asked to do some very creepy things)
> 
> How will these two dig themselves out of this situation my buddies it's gonna be a whole lot lol
> 
> Well if you liked this chapter please be sure to comment and kudos! If you like this particular human AU maybe check out the rest of my Ow in O.W.C.A. series.


	14. Not Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I return from my two week hiatus!!! Update schedule is changing just slightly so please read the end notes today! 
> 
> Peter and Perry come to an understanding.

Peter blinked his eyes a few times, the darkness draining from them and glistening wetly. Peter’s posture stiffened and he turned his body away from Perry. The Australian man placed a hand over his mouth and took a deep breath. He really didn’t want Peter to see how much he had gotten to him but Perry was sure that was already apparent in just his expression. Perry took a few steps away from Peter as he refused to face him for a long moment. Peter pulled his glasses off of his face abruptly and rubbed his eyes. Blinking once, Perry leaned to one side to try to get a better look at Peter. Was he, crying? He wasn’t facing him. Perry could feel his own lips part, wishing he could say something or vocalize anything. Carefully, he took one step toward Peter and clicked his tongue a few times.

Peter dragged his hand down his face before turning back around to face Perry. His eyes were a little puffy and the space between them was tense, like it was taking everything to maintain that expression.

Taking in a ragged breath, Peter quickly signed, _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that._

Perry blinked his light brown eyes at Peter in shock. He was sorry? Shaking his head, Perry pointed at Peter, _You’re not. I know you, and you’re not-_

There wasn’t a moment’s hesitation before Peter smacked Perry’s hands down. Agent Platypus jumped back and looked his up and down nervously. He wasn’t afraid of Peter. However, his face was pinched and angry and for a brief moment in unadulterated rage.

_You don’t. You don’t know me._ He wanted to say more.

Peter’s face said that he wanted to say more, and yet he stopped. Running his hands over his face, Peter turned back around and walked toward the door. Perry’s toffee brown eyes widened when he realized what Peter was trying to do. He was trying to leave. Not knowing what else to do, Perry thrusted forward and grabbed Peter’s shoulder. Peter spun around almost violently and looked down at him with the same unimpressed darkness as before.

Blinking a few times, Perry quickly retracted his hand to sign, _I don’t._ The storm behind Peter’s eyes subsided and his expression quickly softened. Perry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hoping it would help him swallow some of his pride. _I don’t know anything about Peter Xiang. I know Peter the Panda but I don’t know you._

Peter touched his temple and bent down to Perry’s eye level, _You really don’t know anything. I’m not like you Perry._ Peter paused to give Perry a condescending smile, _There isn’t a difference between the Panda and me. I’m just Peter. I don’t hide in personas and secret lives._ Perry stared at the same spot even when Peter stood up straight again.

Perry clung to the persona. It was his way to escape and the way he kept A clear conscience. He had thought up and conceived multiple Peter’s in his own mind. The persona he found genuine the day he found out about the mission, was really just Peter opening up and getting more comfortable. Perry closed his eyes tightly, he’d shattered that trust multiple times.

Slowly, Perry finger spelled, _Peter._ Peter eyed him him dully. Something heavy settled in Perry’s stomach when he came to the sudden realization that there may be no fixing what he’d already done. Hesitantly, he signed, _What happened at the party?_ Scowl immediately forming on the Chinese man’s face, Perry held up his hands innocently.

Peter grunted as his shoulders sank. He didn’t look at Perry as he very sloppily signed, _People were... staring at me._

Perry tilted his head at Peter as he refused to look at him. People were staring at him? When? And better than that why, he had his makeup on. Lips parting with the sudden realization, Perry did his best to keep a straight face. It was because he had tried to arrest Omar and Peter had to intervene. They fought in public and people were staring at them. Staring at Peter.

_I am so sorry._ Perry signed, unsure of what else to say. _I was so angry I didn’t even think of people staring at you._

_Do you even know why I stopped you?_ Peter asked and crossed his arms.

Awaiting a response from Perry, he quirked a dark eyebrow at him. There was a long beat as Perry eyed Peter, hoping to somehow read the correct answer from his body language. Peter rolled his eyes and sat down on his bed patiently.

Finally, he signed, _I don’t know._ Peter grimaced and Perry continued, _I don’t know and it makes no sense to me why you stopped me. We could have had him then and there, but you just intervened._

_Do you think I want this mission to fail?_ Peter asked looking somewhat amused. Perry resisted the urge to lower his eyes at the taller man as he shook his head no. Peter then signed, _I trusted you to wait for your mark, if you’d arrested him then, the mission could have failed._

_You don’t know it would have failed._ Perry pointed out, growing frustrated again.

Peter hunched over to sign, _Tell me it wouldn’t have. Tell me you know for a fact the mission would have been successful, and I will apologize._ Standing still below him, Perry ground his teeth together nervously. He couldn’t say for certain that Omar wouldn’t walk. Snow had been convicted in the past for his petty inators so it would end up being his word against theirs. No guarantees. Peter gripped his dark hair before pleading, _You don’t know!_ Standing abruptly, Peter mindfully stepping in Perry’s space. _And you see, you don’t get to know everything because no one knows everything! We’re not robots! I know that if we just took the time the Agency gave us we could get him together._

Perry puffed out his chest and glared up at Peter. He didn’t want to do this. He would have preferred anything else to what he knew he had to do. Falling back onto his bed, Perry refused to make eye contact with Perry as he signed, _You’re right._ Peter’s lips parted and made a soft ‘oh’ shape as he felt for his bed to sit across from Perry. _I didn’t know. I just had this feeling and was going to act on a somewhat calculated impulse._ And you know I'm- Perry stopped himself briefly to swallow his pride- _I'm fucking sorry, okay? Not just for the people staring, not just for forgetting you were deaf-_ Perry took a beat to laugh weakly and look up at Peter. Smiling, Peter huffed an awkward laugh too- _I’m just sorry for being a dick to you in general. I tried to apologize before now, but... I didn’t mean what I said. I’m just jealous and an asshole and-_

Peter lunged forward and grabbed Perry’s hands suddenly. Perry blinked a few times to try to see past the smile on his face. He looked somewhere between thrilled and relieved. Peter took his hands in his and shook them excitedly. Unable to resist, Perry smiled at Peter.

Peter finally let go of his hands to sign, _You said it. You actually admitted you’re jealous!!!_

Perry laughed and shrugged his shoulders, _I’m... jealous?_ He admitted again and Peter looked like he was getting dizzy.

_That’s all I wanted Perry! I just-_ Perry watched as Peter’s face converted to the same giddy smile he had given Vanessa. _I just want you to be an actual person._

Perry stared at Peter blankly before cracking another smile, _Of course I’m a person._

Peter squinted his eyes at Perry and pouted, _Oh yes, because you’re so open and easy to identify with._

Perry glanced away from Peter and smiled, _Well..._ He turned to Peter and grimaced, _You seemed to have pinpointed where my buttons are._ Peter laughed loudly, sounding still slightly embittered.

_Don’t worry about the whole staring thing,_ Peter signed with the same enthusiasm as before, _I know you weren’t thinking about it either time._

_Not an excuse. I’m sorry._ Perry signed sternly. _If we’re going to work together we need to at least attempt to make this mission a little more... bearable._

Peter leaned back slightly, a smirk stinking up his face, _Is Agent Platypus going to attempt to be my friend?_

_Don’t push it._ The Chinese man laughed loudly and Perry quickly signed, _And don’t you dare tell Heinz!_

_Oh I’m sure his Petey senses are tingling._ Peter signed and wiggled his fingers for effect. Perry slapped his hand away from him and laughed silently. Perry felt like he was mentally reset and ready to try again with Peter. This stand alone moment was nice. It was _good._ Slowly winding down from his laughter, Peter signed, _So..._ Blue eyes looking a little sadder, he continued, _I'm not over him?_

Cursing himself, Perry gave Peter a flat look, _I didn't mean that._

Peter glanced down at his shoes before taking a deep breath, _You did._

_I didn’t._

_You did._ Peter signed again, the same pathetic expression on his face. _I love him, but differently. Why is it so hard to imagine someone else caring about him who isn’t you?_ Perry’s mouth hung open slightly as a breath caught in his throat.

Smiling briefly, Perry slowly signed, _I can’t... imagine life... without him anymore._ Perry tried to read Peter’s numbing expression but got nothing.

_I’m not going to take him from you._

_But you did._ Perry signed defensively.

Peter inhaled quietly through his nose and nodded. Shrugging, he signed, _I did._ Perry blinked his eyes a few times at Peter, looking blindsided, _And I was head over heels kind of in love with him, and you know what? We were happy,_ A smile lingered on Peter’s face as he continued, _but Perry we weren’t right for each other the way you too are. Please stop worrying about me, because I want absolutely nothing to do with your boyfriend._ Peter laughed quietly before signing, _Except definately being his best man at your wedding._

Perry breathed a laugh, happy to have gotten this honesty from Peter. Thought tempting him, Perry signed, _So at the Expo-_ Perry stopped himself when he saw Peter sternly shaking his head. Nodding slowly, Perry ran a hand through his thick teal hair. _I really don’t deserve him do I?_

Peter smiled brightly, _I don’t think so, no._ Giving him a flat look, Perry did his best not to pout at Peter. Stupid grin refusing to leave his face, Peter scooted onto the edge of his bed and signed, _So what do we do now?_

Perry looked into Peter’s eyes and couldn’t help but snort a laugh. He signed, _I guess we should start making friendship bracelets._

Peter rolled his eyes and laughed lowly, _I’ll get the black and white beads._

_And Teal?_ Perry signed.

Looking him up and down, Peter smiled and hit Perry’s knee, _And teal._

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's read this chapter! You people rock!!! If you liked it be sure leave me a comment of what you liked and maybe a favorite line!!! Don't forget to kudos if you haven't and check out the rest of Ow in OWCA my other fic Mr. Blue Sky!!! 
> 
> Guess who knows all the words to like three spotify ads lmao This Girl!!!!!! I've just started my freshman year of college three weeks ago and the work load actually hasn't been as bad as I assumed it was!!! Sure there are some LONG nights ahead of me (including tonight xD) but I digress! Let's talk about what you care about! Where's the chapters???
> 
> So as most of you know I update Ow in OWCA on Tuesdays and Mr. Blue Sky on Wednesdays. This will still stand!!! As far as I'm concerned anyway! Now this is important so I'm putting it in bold caps **IF THERE IS NOT AN UPDATE ON THE DESIGNATED DAY THERE WILL BE NO UPDATE THAT WEEK** That's just the way it goes! I'm doing two fics at the same time guys!!!! It gets hard and with college if i'm pulling late nights we'll have to just do that. Don't be upset if Mr. Blue Sky updates and this fic does not or the reverse! The fic will be back at my earliest convenience!!! Like tbh if Mr. BS get's more feedback one week than this one or the reverse which one you think I'm gonna be more motivated to work on? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> That all being said! It is in my best interest to finish a chapter for each fic by the next week! So please know if it's not updating that week I am also bummed! So get out of my inbox with that "I miss your fic :(" me too the fuck?? something else I feel I need to put in my notes is that **FOR ONO** (ow in owca) **AND MR. BS I AM MY OWN BETA** I work alone on these fics and it breaks my heart but that's the way it is :'D I've recently had grayce help me with an au fic i'm planning but other than that one fic I'm batman in this bitch lol. So please be patient with me! If you see an error or multiple errors be like "yo bun take a look at this chap again" but if you're going to point out an error please add what you liked content wise in a chapter too? 
> 
> So to summarize! The fics are hard work and they're work I have to do alone! So be nice and be understanding! I love you all so much <3 <3 Again!!! If you liked this chapter please leave me a nice comment and kudos! If you like these interpretations of the Agents check out Ow in OWCA! If you just like my work check out Mr. Blue Sky!!!! Bye for now!


	15. Oven Mitts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry and Peter spend their first day as something close to friends! They spend it having a skype call with their favorite evil scientist.

Perry woke up late the next morning and quietly yawned. Stretching his arms out wide before running a hand through his thick hair, hand only getting caught once in his thick locks. He heard a quiet shifting next to him that got his attention. Slowly turning, he saw Peter sitting on the couch next to his bed.

Smirking, Peter signed, _Was gonna try to wake you, but I couldn’t remember if you were deaf or not._

Perry grinned and quickly picked up a pillow to throw at Peter. He quickly blocked the pillow making Perry laugh silently. _Fucking asshole!_ Perry signed and Peter laughed.

 _So, we’re making friendship bracelets **and** having pillow fights?_ Giving Peter a flat look, Perry snatched his pillow from off the ground and flipped Peter off. Peter nodded, looking a little too pleased with himself. Perry looked over at the two to-go cups next to Peter from Starbucks. He jerked his thumb towards the drinks and Peter rubbed his neck. _Got up early. Bought two coffees..._ Shrugging, Peter was hesitant to continue, _Drank two coffees._

__

Perry rolled his eyes, and put the pillow back in it’s proper space. _Don’t worry about it. Hate coffee._

__

_You hate coffee?_ Peter asked, looking at Perry in disbelief. Perry tilted his head a few times before nodding. Peter gaped at Perry, searching him for any shred of truth. Shaking his head in disbelief, Peter signed, _I think we should go back to not liking each other._ Perry laughed silently. _How are you, Agent Platypus, the only agent that hates coffee?!_ Peter signed dramatically, making Perry rub his face.

__

_It’s boiling bean juice._

__

_Tea is boiling leave juice._ Peter quickly retorted. Perry smirked and shrugged, falling back onto the ridiculously soft hotel mattress. He could hear Peter snap a few times and he silently groaned before rolling to sit up again. Resting his elbow on his quad, Perry propped his head up with his hand. Peter rolled his eyes and signed, _You’ll never guess who I saw at the party yesterday night?_

__

Perry frowned and finger spelled so he wouldn’t have to stop holding up his head, _Better not be C.O.W.C.A._

__

Peter shook his head excitedly and signed the word, _Asshole._ Perry breathed a laugh and squinted at Peter.

__

Taking a moment to process the sign, Perry slowly sat up and gasped, _The waitress?_ The chinese man nodded, holding two thumbs up to show that he had gotten it right. _Jessalyn? I think?_ Peter nodded again, expression looking impressed.

__

_She said, ‘what a coincidence!’ and gave me some good info about Omar._ Peter signed and pulled out his notepad. Quickly flipping through the pages, Peter waved it in front of him. _Snow invests a lot in local business. Mostly baking apparently. He’s a beloved staple in the town._

__

Perry quirked an eyebrow and clarified, _Baking?_

__

Peter shrugged and nodded, _Walked around town earlier and it checks out. He owns a bakery._

__

Rolling his eyes, Perry kicked the comforter away from his feet and stood up off of the bed. He was wearing a grey shirt and royal purple boy shorts. Sure that his teal bed head was a sight to behold, Perry licked his hand and rubbed it against his hair in a sad attempt to tame it. Shuffling towards his suitcase and grabbing an outfit, he sloppily saluted Peter as he walked into bathroom. The Australian pulled on black slacks and a black button up shirt with teal pinstripes. He looked at himself in the mirror where his vibrant hair was fluffed and sticking up laughably. Perry picked up his orange comb from the counter and ran the comb under the sink faucet, it only took a few more brushes to tame it.

__

Perry threw some cold water in his face to wake himself up before quickly drying his face. Eventually leaving the bathroom, Perry looked over at Peter who was still sitting in the same spot on the couch.

__

Glancing over at Perry, Peter signed, _Want lunch?_

__

_No._ Perry signed, ignoring the sudden empty feeling in his stomach. Peter quirked an eyebrow at Perry as he continued, _That greasy diner gave me the heebie geebies._

__

Smirking, Peter signed, _I like Jessalyn._ Perry held his hands up and nodded. He hadn’t grown quite as fond of her as Peter had but he definitely didn’t dislike her. She seemed rather pleasant aside from the immense joy she got watching them fight. Peter gestured towards Perry, demanding more explanation.

__

Careful about how he approached explaining it, Perry plainly signed, _There was gum on the bottoms of the tables and the chairs were greasey leather and just-_ He stopped himself and waved his hands in disgust. Germs.

__

Peter laughed and pointed the remote at Perry, _Kitty didn’t say you were a germaphobe._ Perry eyed Peter for another second, recognizing Heinz’s sign name Perry knew that being less jealous would still take some time in spite of himself. After the talk he had with Peter he was certain that there was no longer anything there. Perry nodded slowly, miming washing his hands.

__

Grinning like he’d just come up with the best joke, Peter signed, _What do you want to do then?_

__

Perry sighed and looked over at the clock on the bedside table, _Wait until event tomorrow? Get more intel then._ Peter’s expression ignited from his usual smile to something genuinely excited when Perry brought up intel. Perry smiled at Peter and pointed at him, _I’ll let you take the lead._ Perry’s expression became quickly unimpressed as he warned, _But you need to stop telling people we’re married._

__

Peter repressed a laugh loudly and nodded, _Got it... Darling._ Perry picked up a pillow next to him and chucked it at Peter, making him vocalize, “Ey!” Snorting a laugh, Peter threw the pillow back Perry.

__

The Australian man snickered at the gesture, but put the pillow back on the bed next to him to prevent Peter from hitting him with it again. Glancing at his bag across the room, Perry smirked and hopped off of his bed. Peter hummed in question and Perry held up his index finger to signal for him to be patient. He pulled out his black laptop and held it up for Peter to see.

__

Turning back to face Peter, he frowned at Peter’s grin. _We are not pretending to fight for Heinz._ Perry signed sternly.

__

_Please!_ Peter pleaded.

__

Rolling his eyes, Perry walked over to Peter’s bed and sat down with his computer. After opening it and logging in, he reached for his phone. Peter held his hand up in front of Perry’s face and gently waved it to get his attention. Looking up at the Chinese man, Peter held his phone out to Perry. He squinted at the phone screen and saw an exchange between Heinz and Peter that ended with.

__

**He can call me now :)**

__

Perry blinked at the screen and slowly pulled his attention up to Peter. Carefully, he signed, _The phone wasn’t even in your hand._

__

Peter smirked in a way that confirmed what Perry said, but only confused him further. Deciding it would be better to drop it, Perry opened up skype and called Heinz. The call rang a few times before Heinz picked up, wearing one oven mitt that clearly used to be purple but was charred black at the fingers and still smoking.

__

Panting quietly, Heinz breathed, “Hi!” Peter snatched the computer away from Perry and made a loud annoyed sound. “It’s _fine_ Peter! I didn’t even set off the smoke alarm this time.” Perry grabbed his computer and turned it so the webcam was facing him. “Oh, there you are Perry.” Expression hardening, Perry held up his hand to open and close it a few times. “ _Honestly!_ Why buy oven mitts for me if you all get concerned when I use them?”

__

Perry lowered his eyes before signing, _Show me your hand._

__

After seeing the sign, Doofenshmirtz pulled his mitted hand against his chest and defensively said, “No.”

__

Slowly nodding, Perry looked up at Peter, _He burnt his fucking hand._

__

“I did _not!_ ” Heinz gaped.

__

Perry smirked and shrugged before Peter quickly turned the computer back to him. Face scrunching up angrily, Peter signed, _Show me._

__

“No!” Heinz barked and held his covered hand against himself.

__

_Heinz!_ Peter signed frustratedly. If Perry were able, he would have been very tempted to make an ooh-ing sound. Seeing Peter being angry at Heinz was an admittedly nice change of face. True the anger was born out of concern, but it was anger nonetheless. _You are working on the blueprints for an other dimension related inator and you can’t make a robot that COOKS?!_

__

He could hear Heinz scoff loudly before he said, “How about I punch people for a living and you invent the machines?!”

__

Peter laughed loudly, _The machines that ultimately get you punched? Those machines?_ Peter placed the computer in front of him and crossed his arms as he awaited a response from Heinz. Now that Perry was able to see his boyfriend again, he saw a familiar pout on his face. That expression meant he knew he’d lost the argument but was willing to continue to bicker for bickering sake.

__

Grinning, Heinz said, “Maybe I _won’t_ tell you the information I got from Kevin.”

__

Perry leaned in towards the computer. Carefully looking between Peter and Heinz, Perry signed, _You talked to Kevin?_

__

Doofenshmirtz grinned excitedly and nodded, “Yeah! And let me tell you I am very glad you made that call when you did because I could have gone to _jail._ ” Perry blinked a few times and stared at Heinz. He hoped the deep rooted concern wasn’t clearly portraying on his face, but he really had no idea what he was talking about.

__

Peter signed, _You went to O.W.C.A.traz?_ Perry glanced up at Peter who at this point looked more like a concerned parent than actually mad.

__

Heinz gave him a sheepish apologetic look, “I’m... sorry?” Peter exhaled sharply through his nose before pulling his hand down his face. Nodding, he gestured for Heinz to continue. “Uhm...” Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat and looked at Perry, “Thank you _so_ much again, Perry. You know me so much better than he thinks!” Perry raised an eyebrow in question that Heinz didn’t seem to catch. “So anyway, he came up as soon as the O.W.C.A.traz guards rushed me and was all like”- Doofenshmirtz straightened his posture, lowered his voice and attempted an accent when he said- “‘what are you idiots doing?! He’s going in to get us intel on Destructicon.’” Heinz quietly laughed at himself and waved a hang through the air, “You know how he sounds, anyway! So he walks me all the way to Kevin’s door and he signs to me! He literally-He actually signed to me ‘Please hurry.’” Heinz mimed walking through the high security prison dramatically. The person he was doing a subpar time describing sounded like Agent Rhino, but he didn’t have a clue why Rashaan would help Heinz at all. He didn’t owe him anything.

__

“So”- Heinz rested his head in the palm of his mitted hand- “you want to know what Kevin told me?” Perry and Peter both nodded. Peter appeared to be deeply invested in the story when it regarded Professor Destructicon. He must’ve been a big fan of his nemesis.

__

Doofenshmirtz grinned, clearly relishing the attention, “ _Okay so,_ first, Kevin also seemed pretty surprised that Snow was alive so I think I deserve some credit.” Both Agents gave him the same flat look. “Alright _fine!_ ” He breathed. “According to Kevin, Snow was a really bad dude but never really invented for... the sake of inventing?”

__

_Snow could have a financial partner?_ Peter interrupted.

__

Biting his bottom lip, Heinz finally said, “...No? Look, I’m trying as hard as I can _not_ to say that he’s a sell out.”

__

Peter quirked an eyebrow at Heinz to which Perry amended, _Heinz is saying Snow made weapons._

_Lips forming a soft ‘oh’ shape, Peter nodded. Perry turned his attention back to Heinz, _Are there any memorable inator’s?__

__

Heinz raked his mind for a moment before saying, “Professor mentioned him modifying the incinerator-inator so it could reach the sun, so he could”- Doofenshmirtz waved his hand through the air dramatically- “set fire to the sun!”

__

Perry looked up at Peter to see that he was already looking back. Peter signed, _If Snow was infamous for weapons..._

__

Perry slowly nodded before signing, _He might be trying to kill these people._

__

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this chapter!!! If you liked it be sure to leave comments and kudos! Love y'all!!!
> 
> WHATS AN UPDATE SCHEDULE AM I RIGHT???
> 
> FIRSTLY: Let me thank our loyal commenter Basementtrol for giving me the idea to make Perry admit to being a germaphobe and making it a point for their bonding! You rock!
> 
> SECONDLY: It is 11:23PM where i am so it is stILL TUESDAY!!
> 
> THIRDLY: Let's talk one more time about updates! College is being kind of a bitch but i swear i still care about this series and am really excited for this fic to wrap up!!! I've got a couple twists and turns planned for you all in this fic so please stay tuned!!! I can't guarantee updates like I used to but I can guarantee that it will ALWAYS UPDATE ON TUESDAYS!!! If you ever see it on a day other than Tuesday I'm probably real fucking excited hjvsdbxkznfdshjb this fic is very important to me and so is this entire series! So please show your love and support in the comments section! I've been working on a few other side projects and some of them are for this fandom!!! I'm debating making a couple of bananabread one shots to fill the void as well as one big project with a brand new beta (i,,, love her,,,,,)
> 
> My other side projects that may or may not make it onto the website soon (fandoms in parentheses) are:  
> Manufactured Joy (PnF)  
> Bananabread One-Shots (PnF)  
> Live in Time (DBZ)  
> LoveGods One-Shots (FOP)  
> Neighborhood Disaster (DBZ)  
> And of course the rest of my Ow In OWCA series and Mr. Blue Sky
> 
> I'm still alive!!! Promise!!! I've just got a bunch of balls rolling at once! Once again if you liked this chapter please be sure to comment and kudos!!! Bye for now and hopeful for an update next week!!! <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!!
> 
> I've been really excited for this fic for a little while now so I hope you all like this!!
> 
> This one isn't as shippy? There definitely going to be some pshmirtz but the main point of this fic is like Peter and Perry settling their differences! I think you guys are going to like this but if not this one might just get discontinued tbh but I hope not because I love love love this fic! There are probably going to be brief mentions of Professor Mystery because I love my interpretation of Miggs(who I did base off of Grayce and Doc's Professor Mystery) and a lot of headcanons for my AU so please please bare with me I really think this is gonna be good!!
> 
> This fic will be updating on Tuesdays! And I will try to have a chapter up every week! I do have another fic that updates every other Tuesday so we'll see but for now watch out for Tuesday! See you next week!


End file.
